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Dec 30, 2009

Goodbye, 2009.

Today's the day.
It'll all happen in like, a few hours.
New year's gonna happen in a bit.

Dec 24, 2009

Poet's Note to Y'all XD


Okay, so I've finished posting all the poems I ever posted on Hogwarts/Shelfari, so my new batch begins. I know that you're unwilling to look at the long list of poems, but I'd appreciate your input on this more than the old stuff.

New batch for a new year.
Or well, new batch for Christmas, which I don't even celebrate XD

To Tay, the librarian at Hogs: Can I get points on this?

Poem # 23 Fighting Temptation

Fighting Temptation

There’s a promiscuous woman inside me
She’s calling your name again and again,
She’s flicking her hair to the breeze,
Swaying her hips in search of men.
Her heart’s match is you, she knows,
She parts her lips to taste your scent
And wanton through her mouth flows,
Her will towards you is beautifully bent.
So she stretches out an arm to feel—

Just the air.
Because you’re so far, far away,
And my heart falls in everlasting dismay
For there’re mountains, earth, water and people
That stand firmly in our way.
And I’ve been told I can have anything later,
You too; but are you willing to wait?
I’m resisting this lust that
Like fire courses through my veins,
Fighting temptation everyday,
Obliterating thoughts of your warm arms around me,
Trying to forget the seductive words you’d say.
Shuddering sorrowfully whenever I wake from dreams
Where the sensation of your lips on mine is gone.

Dec 22, 2009

Poem # 22 If I'd Scream Loud Enough

A poem I wrote reflecting Leslie's feelings in Ink Exchange, Book 2 of Wicked Lovely by Melissa Marr. She is directing this to Irial in her heart,

If I’d Scream Loud Enough

The wind may blow in the other direction,
It may yell into our ears—
But nothing will stop me from screaming
Even if you don’t hear.
Even the tallest mountain discourages my act,
What, have you now taken sides?
The rivers swim away from my simple touch,
Is it in darkness your heart resides?

I remember when I was longing for your touch,
Your promiscuous fingers called my name,
Your inhumanity to me was nothing much,
Just an inconvenience in the game.
But I didn’t know you’d use me,
You were telling me you’d free me from my pain,
You freed me of hurt, pain, fear and too glee,
And all those beautiful emotions that had kept me sane.

I’d escape from you, oh yes I would,
Even though in your otherworldly love I live,
I’d wrench the door open and run away
Unbinding myself from the gifts you give.
I treasure my humanity, sanity more than I do you,
To free me, you can’t even leave me, can you?
To give me happiness, you can’t even let me go?
Though I’ve told you that this life hurts me so much more,
Why do you try to kill me so slow?
There’s people out there waiting for me to run,
There’re lovers and friends who’d never hurt me in a huff,
I know I can resist your passion and leave
If I’d scream loud enough.

Dec 21, 2009

Poem # 21 Tunes of Lust

Tunes of Lust

You’re like a pop song stuck in my head

You keep playing all over and over again,
You’re all music, you’re all words,
You’re all I’ll-catch-you-a-million-birds.
But I can’t get you out of my head,
You keep singing the same tune and I said
That the volume was to stay low
But you turned it up and now my mind you blow,
I’m enraptured by your easiness
Your smirks and smiles, your sleaziness,
And baby, if there’s one thing you don’t do to me
It’s to bore me, baby….
Because you’ve turned me around, upside down,
From a bitch to girl who’s got no frowns
I’d compare you to a beautiful love song
You're the melody of a love song.

Poem # 20 Go, Be Happy

Go, Be Happy.

Step up, now, to the looming noose and
Slip your neck through the ropes held loose
And laugh amusedly at the staring crowd
‘Cause death’s only a second away.
Tap your feat in funereal rhythm
Gyrate you hips at the looks you see them
Wearing as you dance along
To your amusedly sad interment song.
Has there been a beauty like you
Who feels freedom at the gates of the blue?
With a soaring heart on the stall of the end
Hold, death is only a second away.
Smirk widely and spread your arms
For you’re gonna fly like you’ve dreamt all along
And up to God and away from your cage you’ll rise
Death’s only a hang away.

Go fly away from human demons
Soar above and away as you see them
Horror struck at your decision of nonexistence
They just haven’t seen your life so far.

Poem # 19 Erased


What would it be like for the grass of forests?
Only I would know for I’ve once been eroded.
Only I could tell because I’m raw to the emotion.
Only I could say that it’s poisonous as potion.
What would it be like for a sprinkling hose?
Only I would know for I’ve disappeared,
Saturated into the air through which the sun seared,
Droplets slowly evaporating like they feared.
I compare myself the most, right now,
To the light grey lines of charcoal or pencil,
Obliterated so easily by blocks of rubber,
No trace remains of my substance or stencil.

I don’t want to be erased for I’m made to be viewed by Man.
I don’t want to disappear for I’ve made my present a good Plan.
I don’t want to be forgotten because I want to be loved,
And if I were to vanish, I’d rather be -down a cliff- shoved.
I need an identity because I am a part
Of those good old traditions which because of me, start.
I want a fixed factor because I’ve worked so hard
To not be a stranger in a world of difference and lard.

So keep your word, why don’t you understand?
To be accepted truly I need your damn hand!
You promised that I’d live on until the end,
But now I’m crying for a miraculous Godsend!
Because you can’t save me,
Because you can’t be right,
Because you can’t be true,
Because your promises aren’t bright,
I’m withering away into the sickening night,
With not a drop of humanity in me to help me fight.

Poem # 18 I, Your Heart

I, Your Heart  ♥

You find solace in the sound of my beating;
My calming rhythm, my adaptation to your heating;
I keep you walking the tightrope of Life
I’m the reason you can bleed if you’ve been hurt in strife.
I’m why you fall in love, why you hurt, why you grin
I’m why you want more, why you cry, why you sing a hymn,
I’m the root of your existence,
And you overlook me with no resistance,
Though I know to me you’re oblivious
It’s nice to see that my effect is obvious.
But lately I’ve been thinking about how much I mean to you.
I mean, you hurt me a lot and leave me in rue.
And yet I continue to slog and pump your blood,
I continue to hold the burden of you life and your mud,
But I get the brunt of your work, not you,
Whose life are you trying to screw?
You break me with every guy,
You break me when you kill a fly.
I give you blood. I give you love.
I give you sensation and emotion and all else above.
I fashion your mobility, your choice, your sake,
And yet all you give me is painful heartbreak.

Poem # 17 Such Sweet Release

Dedicated to my friend, Toria Mason, in her times of sadness ♥

Such Sweet Release

She wants to move
She wants to breathe
But the world is both cruel and lithe.
Her heart is broken
Her eyes are wet
She wakes at night in tears and sweat.
Her destiny is fogged
By her own desire to die
While the passive onlookers simply spy.
Her pain is trapped
Her life is mapped
And her sad, bleeding lips are chapped.
The world is immune
To her vast misery
Refuge – solace – nothing in treasury.

So she let’s the tears run down her face
She let’s her body bleed with her pain
She wanders without happiness or soul
In her chest, there is a sucking black hole.
Until the day she wrote,
She was walking death,
Like a personification of Sarabeth.
But the words that came-
They sang beauty
And it was her turn to break hearts, dead and sooty.
Her pain, so piercing and intense,
In the form of words speak
It leaves us with shaking knees weak.
She’s found a way
To voice her death
To find the sweetness of her breath
She’s alive again
Watching flowers and bees,
Awake because she has found such sweet release.

---A Little Intermission---


I've been spending the whole day uploading all my dang poems I ever posted on Shelfari. It' s made me appreciate the fact that I [oh boy] write a lot. Like seriously!

We shall interrupt this constant flow of poetry with a dream I had yesterday night!

For some random reason, I was admitted to Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital [only those who see House MD will get it] because I was unable to breathe. Because I wasn't asthmatic or angiodemis or sarcoidosic or anything, I was admitted to the Diagnostics department because nobody knew what was wrong with me [House took my case! Dr House! With Foreman, Cameron and Chase -- I know, I'm a Season 1-3 fanatic!]. Halfway through the dream, there was a rather painful pressure on my bladder [middle of the night, I really really needed to pee, but I'm uncomfortable going to pee in the night. The darkness scares me. Kudos my friends for embossing those scary movies in my head!], and it was mild in the beginning. The dream changed so that I was in the lobby of a hotel and my mother was with me. I started blabbering to her "Mommy, I don't think it's a respiratory problem ----- mummy, I think it's my kidneys.......they need to do a biopsy, they should!......they should put me on dialysis!" But she didn't listen to me, rolling her eyes. "Go and do the health test, Ash" she said to me. Then she asks me to explain why and I say "I don't think my kidney is filtering urea properly. I think that because of the urea concentration, my cells are burning up and there is no room for oxygen, making my alveloi in my lungs emphysemic! Mum, a kidney is an endocrine gland and it's not secreting my hormones anymore![this statement is TOTALLY wrong, Kidney's not endocrine, pancreas are!]" Again, and I roll from mum and gestures toward the health cubicle.

So I walk over to a cubicle for some health test and realize that the person testing me in my Physics teacher [wow!]. I'm not weirded down, so bored, I wait for the test to get over. But after talking to mum, the painful pressure in my bladder increases and I'm bursting, but somehow it makes me incapable of normal speech, so I lapse into a coma. I wake up and I'm looking for Dr House so as to tell him about my kidney theory. I find him in random places all over the hospital, as if he's trying to avoid me, but I'm always on a bed in half sleep and I can't say a word because the painful-bladder-pressure is worsening.

Finally, I wake up and the Diagnostics team tells me that I'm free to go because there's nothing wrong with me. The pain in my bladder has receded fairly, so I believe them, but not really. I'm convinced to talked to House. Before my mum and I leave the hospital, I find him near a window and I talk to him. "I don't think I'm clear to go, Dr House," I say shakily. "I think I have a kidney problem, and that it's something rather than nothing."

House: "You're doubting our excellent diagnostics skills? You must be sane" ::rolls eyes::

Me: "I'm ready for a job in the same field you practice, sir. I think it's a kidney problem."

House: "What's there to prove it, then?"

----------Then suddenly, a white hospital gown appears over my person, replacing my funky leaving-the-hospital clothes. There is a red patch forming on the white cloth above the skin under which my left kidney should usually be. House's eyes widen.

House: "What's....what's that?" ::scared::

Me: ::looks at blood in horror:: ::screams shrilly as the bladder pain is back:: ::finds it hard to breathe:: ::is taking harsh, shrill breaths of air and throat is closing::

House: "NURSE!"

Me: "I t-told's m-my's n-not filtering u-urea......the u-urea is making it imPOSible to take in room....I t-told you!.....y-you should have done a biopsy when I said! You should h-have put me on DIALYSIS!" [capitals are because I'm screaming cuz of the pain]

House: ::looks scared:: But I don't understand. Why isn't it filtering urea? You either have a kidney tumour or a cancerous cyst [I'm referring to Season 5 some ep, where this dude has a bezoar in his tummy] which could be tampering with your filtration fuction!"

Me: ::collapses after touching blood on my side and shortness of breath::

----------I wake up five minutes later being carried around everywhere on a Hospital Bed, people screaming "OUT OF THE WAY! SHE NEEDS THE I.C.U NOW!" and everyone around me. House looks down at me with a grave expression and then at my mum who is crying.



House: ::looks grave:: Her kidney imploded


And that's where my colourful dream ended, cuz I had to go pee! Seems like crazy dreams come when you're at your most desperate ^.^

Comments on what the dream may mean? ;) Do tell!

Poem # 16 Melodies Like Ribbon Fly

Melodies Like Ribbon Fly

I falter at the sound of that sweet music,
Such melody eluding the lies of life;
Like pure, auditory, saccharine magnificence!
Sad beauty singing the woes of a wife;
I turn up the dial and whimper in earnest
The slow, earnest flow of the song is like white-
An expanse of so much, so hidden…
And her sorrow is the dark shadow in sight.
I bow my head as I hear her sing,
The song isn’t music; it’s the tune of her heart
Stuck on heartbreak and jammed on that floor,
She sings the song like she can do no more.

Her melodies like ribbon fly,
Travelling with the current of the gale
Fuelled by the ferocity of her hope
That her love listens and to leave her he’ll fail.
Broken, listeners like me bordering the earth
Send our hopes to accompany hers,
As her lonesome ribbon of melody flies
Yearning to relight heartbroken embers.

Poem # 15 Not My Skin

Not My Skin
This is not my skin-
Coarse, riddled, like melon rind.
This is not my hair
Two strings of ribbon tied around my head.
This is not my nose,
Halved and jewelled and insignificant.
These are not my lashes,
Covered and suppressed, so invisible.

The only hint of me are the eyes,
Hollowed holes; only they let my soul bare.
Otherwise, my face is covered,
And none of the skin shows if I’m shocked from a scare.

It takes effort to pull off this suffocating skin,
Inch by inch, the material parts with my pelt-
And when the strangulating suction is no more,
I look at the beautiful mask in my hands and sigh,
The sophistication
The beauty
The otherworldly demeanour
The bright jewels,
It’s not my skin.

Poem # 14

A Change of Age

I'll miss how the world came tumbling down
I'll miss how every fall just made me laugh
And run away, run away from the things that stay.
I'll miss how the worries didn't exist
I'll miss how the littlest things I couldn't resist
Feeling, feeling them and inwardly reeling.
Now I hole up inside my own head,
Burrowed in the labyrinth of my own emotion
This life is going so far ahead, the fires it fed....
The claustrophobia is killing me so softly
And slowly these troubles make me feel asphyxiated
And so hated, love abated, sense debated...
If you knew, girl, what it was like to be like me
You too would cry and scream in fear
If you knew, girl, how my mistakes could have
Been reversed if I'd never made them from right here
You too would have listened,
When I told you to get ready,
You too would have paid attention,
When I said this life's only for the eveready,
You too could have been saved
If you'd listened to my ‘please’ the first time,
You too wouldn't need to feel that pain
If you could have told a cent apart from a dime.

Poem # 13 Freefall


Is this how it feels to fall?
The adrenaline that gushes in my veins
Seems to push my heart upwards into my mouth,
And drowns away all the pains.
Is this how every suicide in the world feels?
Free-fall through the weightless air,
Like my feet were swept clean from the ground,
And hardly any of this heartbreak seems fair.
I’m just hurt that I didn’t find this earlier
Find what? This exhilaration of falling from above
Falling through time and meaning and fate
Falling, falling, falling in love.

Poem # 12 Quiet Night

Quiet Night

How – is this possible, at the least?
For the sky to darken so much like this-
To blacken the streaming stars and the moon in the sky.
Silence that coats us all like this
Be intensified by the dreaming children of the night.
You bring down your rain
So we can live with the dead
Once again,
But Samhain,
You mean to mock our pain?
When the dead have been and gone
And our grief had driven us insane…
So every year you give us a chance
To lose our minds in this never-ending game
Don’t tarry our sleeping children,
Don’t come again, oh Samhain….

Dec 20, 2009

Poem # 11 Imaginary Skin

Imaginary Skin

What would I do to reverse the ebb of time?
To rewind these waves that hide secrecy and crime,
To go back to the political epoch I met you at,
It was behind your tuxedo-clad self that I sat,
Scared and nervous, I sought your help,
You saw through the frizzy hair and the eyes of kelp-
And I swear, for a moment, I felt you touch my heart.
Maybe I never realized it, but I remember how it gave a start
At the intensity of your fiercely proud, humanitarian gaze,
All my protective defences you succeeded to raze.

How queer is it that now I am in love,
You are everything I see in God, Earth and Dove,
You are the human I wish all men could be,
The epitome of wonder I wish was a sight to see.
It’s tiring for me to just imagine you now,
Because this distance just forces us apart, and I know not how
I can dream of caressing that skin I glimpse
In my softest daydreams of how my soul for you limps-
Limps up the pedestal, running to you,
Young I may be, but the strangeness I feel is so true.

Content I am now seeing the words you send me,
The brightest part of my day is how your e-mails set me free,
But I’m sombre – I’d do just about anything to grin;
Just to get a chance to bring to life your imaginary skin.

Poem # 10 Hallowe'en

Hallow’s Eve

Her bald nose protruding, condescendingly, she sees
The little town children are all asleep!
Sighing, her eyes twinkle – her sisters have done well,
For the town is as silent as death; not a croak, nor a beep.
And she flings a crevasse into the icy cadaver-
Her voice reverberates in a sordid cackle,
Signalling the season of Fear to skirmish and shackle!

Her warty demeanour brings forth two more like her,

Foul, ugly and rotting – three witches, coated with fur,
And now raise the werewolves; dogs howling into the sky-
For the moon is a pale circle the blinded wolves try to pry.
The witches swing in motion to find the fire-elves,

Who shall creep into the houses and set ablaze all shelves,
Their brooms fly across the sky and they meet the Devil,
He swings his trident – he is as sour as a Seville,
And lo! Fear coats the town like rust,
The children shake in their beds – protect themselves, they must!
For ghouls and gnomes and goblins are there,
Creating havoc in their very own air!
Wild beasts they are, but this is the one time they are free-
Free from their virtual hell; on this eve they come to Be,
To live, to laugh, for this is the one annual chance they have,
To reclaim the empire that was once theirs – Transylvania, Slav...
This freedom tastes like sweet elixir to them,
To the pumpkins, the ghosts, the vampires, the Witches of Salem,
To all beasts unknown, to those fairytale villains,
This eve is a night in tribute to them!

So they wander free and live like the good old days,
When the world was in their hands, and it succumbed to their ways,
When the town women wept, running, shielding their children,

When men screamed in cursed pain, rounding their cattle and hen,
O this night – what a wonder for these trapped entities,
For when it is up, Man once more frees
His own empire, and downs this ancient magic,
The tale of these beasts is rather tragic.

****I wrote this for a Halloween Poetry Competition a Hogwarts group I am a part of on Shelfari have every season. Was a runner up!****

Poem # 9 Listen to the Magic


Hush, insignificant child,
Try to listen to the croak of the Ravens,
Their sheer screeches and red eyes pulsing,
Danger that pushes through their veins.
Vile creatures, o’ the night-
Hear their screams of threat.
Hush, child.

To the death that surrounds you like soul-
The hope that the earth leaks
The hearth the fire presents
The calm and tranquil the water breathes,
The mobility of the lively air,
The enormous leap of the spirit:-

Hush, child. Tend to only those matters,
That you know your young soul can feel,
For there is magic here invisible to you,
But oh so visible to me.

****Dedicated to the House of Night, Untamed! The bit where Zoey feels the Spirit of the Raven Mockers in the air =D****

Poem # 8 Quant Jewels

Quaint Jewels

The faint tingle of bells whispering to the wind,
Curtains fly out to meet the fresh air blowing west,
Silence foiled by the curling of ashen paper,
Escaping the quiet fire and rolling over the Chest.

Flames lick the old box of wonder curiously,
Heat pouncing maliciously on the carvings,
Smoked wood scents the breezy sea twist,
Yellow is sets ablaze the ancient art on the box’s wings.

Charred black wood, and peculiar velvet ribbon
Surrounded the glowing lustre of mysterious secret
That the box reveals through a fissure from fire,
As if time and glory themselves have been reset.

Old and quaint, emeraldine light they spark,
A hidden burn of colours sheltered by damage and evil,
They were quaint jewels protected ferociously,
By the forces of nature – feral, hurt and medieval.

Poem # 7 Nothing Compares

Nothing Compares

Nothing compares
To the saddened glow of the weeping moon,
Or the humming tattoo of the cold rain on your hair,
Or the wilt of the beautiful, large-budded rose,
Or the skim of the shooting star across the cold sky,
Or the calm breeze, whispering in its listlessness,
Or the silent ghosts, glimmering in wan wistlessness,
Or the drum of nailed fingers upon a wooden desk,
Or the wet beat of a pumping heart inside the ribcage,
Or the strangled cries of a hurt human child,

Nothing compares
To human misery
To human happiness
To human attrocity
To human slap-dashiness

Nothing compares
To me,
For as long as I fly in my sky,
I'm all the world can see.

Poem # 6


There are children I wish
Understood and knew
How hard it is
To be - for this world - so new.

There are brainless bodies
Who wander soulless
Among the plane of youth
They remain boneless.

Wishing that ignorance
Wasn't such a disease
I find myself confronting
Those I once took on with ease.

Grow up, my Children
Please open your eyes
Wake up to the world,
Don't live in lies.

Poem # 5 The Sociopath, The Anti-Discovery

The Sociopath, The Anti-Discovery


Hoping to hug knees tight
And cry in earnest into the night
Though young and vulnerable
Need to discover world
Before the events are overwhelming-
Discovery is natural
Discovering something new everyday
But the more unveiled
The farther the ship has sailed-

Emotions in the form of tears speak
Speak like words never could
Because the frustration is bottled-
It never runs amok; it only bubbles stronger
No, it is the need to know
Need to grasp every opportunity
And when discovery pays a visit-
An opportunity never once known-
Others, lucky souls, revel in its bloom-
And all is fitting in.
All is fitting in,
But You.

Pom # 4 Missing You

Missing You

Moments where I can't glue

These broken shards of belief,
I tend to cry and scream
It robs me of my dreams.
But every night when I talk to you
I hang on to the phone like a lifeline
I sigh, everytime in relief.
Because I figure you're okay
Even though you've left me in the fray
And I can't put the words together
To how much I love you
And to how much I miss you.


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