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Dec 29, 2010

Buried Alive



Buried alive,
Under the embodiments of my life
Scattered onto haphazard paper
A sheet cuts into me, as sharp as a knife;
Stemming the flow of ruby-red blood
With a cruel glance at the thin gash
Profanities arrange themselves on my lips
As I search for the sheet, amongst the stack.

Buried alive,
With edges that glint with sadistic happiness
Is the artwork of a past much forgotten,
A photograph, the reason for my curt snappiness;
But pain momentarily forgotten,
Running time-beaten fingers over the colours
That paint the youth of a pleasurable past,
A past full of summers, perusing bestsellers.

Buried alive,
Is irony. For under the plethora of age,
Is a time machine imprinted on paper
A photograph, a Past that paper does en-cage.
And as a flood of memories take me back
To when our minds were innocent, when love was pure,
The blood oozes vehemently from the papercut
Oh and I felt something peculiar, of that I'm sure.

For a moment, it's as if the cut is punishment
A punishment well deserved,
A mockery of the strange, shapeless mass life becomes
As age and life fuse to appear absurd.
If the surface of the photograph were magical,
What wouldn't I give to dive into it,
And appear, suddenly, in the world it depicts
And escape this existence that degrades bit by bit.

Buried alive are the memories
We wish we could personify.
Buried alive is a life
Full of mistakes we wish to rectify.

Dec 28, 2010

Stop, Pause, Rewind, Press Play.


If with every sigh of faith, I could freeze
The world, this time, these words, the breeze,
If we could put on repeat this moment forever
And revisit these emotions wherever, whenever,
What we wouldn't give,
To stay as we are and live
A life centered around our Now
If only we knew how...

At the sharp rising of the sun,
Or at the blanket of night, at one,
When my mind lies alert and thoughtless
I think of our story; I'm an empty mess unless
I think of our first hug,
Our first banter,
Our first song,
Our first field trip,
Our first moment of truth
Our first admission,
Our first awkward moment;
And the first time I first looked into your eyes
And saw in the depths something beyond comprehension.
And in that moment, I knew, I realized
That life isn't all that bad, it's not a ticket of detention.

Because though many a times, we lose those we love,
Even though our hearts are laid on a poker table to be played,
For every One that is lost, One is gained
Someone special approaches to mend your heart so frayed-
And in that one moment,
With that look in the eyes,
With the tactile sense of deep connection,
That moment naked of all sorts of lies,
Your heart yearns to say "I love you"
And the best part is that you mean it too

Because in a few years,
We'll be but faded memories,
Devoid of somebody to call,
Someone's name to carve on trees,
A firm hand to break your fall,
It's justified to wish that you could freeze
The best time of your life,
The Firsts; if we could relive them, oh on bended knees,
I'd propose for those moments back.

As these moments slip away with time,
You wish you could pause this process of growing up.
Stay forever in a world of honest friendship, honest naivete,
And an innocent heart, believing love to be as sweet as syrup.



Dedicated to a Special Unnamed Friend for being a great influence in my life so far ♥

Dec 27, 2010

Restart



You can smell it
Almost taste it,
The acrid scent of a new beginning.
Wisps of it draw closer and they're
Intertwining with locks of flyaway hair
And tainted memories are thinning.

You can hear it, that sound
Of destiny turning around,
You can feel the anticipation of nature;
The winds whisper courageously
Of a new direction solidifying solely
Neither a mockery nor a cruel caricature.

You can feel the forgiveness
That rushes to your likeness,
You feel in you the power to forget the past;
It's as if the sea is at your command,
The waves navigate the ship at your demand,
And you guide it from atop a godly mast.

The blood that rushes through your veins
Picks up speed as the wind whips your hair
And stings your eyes, encourages you to forget,
And reminds you that in love, everything is fair.

Dec 25, 2010

Empty Promises



Those words try to escape from my lips,
Willpower stops them, oh the damage they'd cause
Oh the hearts they would break, the tears they would induce,
An extended, unfortunate, awkward pause.

But my heart, as it bursts at the seams,
Continues to break into pieces before our eyes
If I could let these words escape, let them run free,
Maybe I could shield us from untold lies:




 
There are children in Africa in need of food,
Not a scarce commodity, opposite to what is presumed;
Others are busy in their hasty consumption of it,
And in the end, deficiency lets these Africans' souls be pruned.

Our situation is not the same,
But the essence is same in name.

It is you I need, you I depend on,
But you are a scarce commodity, hardly there for me;
Being doled out to the rest of the world,
Empty promises; for my desperation you might not see.

If there were more of you, this world would be utopia,
For you don't rest until everyone is smiling,
But I'd rather you cease promising me eternal aquaintance,
If you cannot give it, if your obligations are piling.

Of strong moral character; oh how could anyone dislike you?
A boon to society, a love never to be lost,
A true friend, a secret love, a guardian angel,
A friend of comfort, the soulmate of riposte...

Promises. "I'm there should you ever need me,
I will never leave, you can count on me, I look thee in the eye."
My heart full of warmth, my eyes shining in admiration,
Little did I know it was all a lie.

Maybe one day,
Our fortunes will take a much-needed turn,
In the meanwhile, patience is a virtue,
To let my heart burn.

It will be amusing to see
When you smell the smoke
And realize the fire is exuding
From that very fragile organ heart you broke.


Dec 10, 2010

Let Us Hide



He's delusional to think
That my heart doesn't flutter in glee
When he holds me close.
There's so much I could say
Every single day, in his ear,
But I don't, for words are precious.

It seems like people only love
The ones who show them that they need them.
But what about the ones
Who silently fall in love, a tug of the hem?

So let's just embrace the status quo,
And hide our love for the ones we adore,
Because when the time comes
They will realize that we share even more
Than a simple hug, a simple look, a simple laugh,
And that our connection is not simply a chore.

So let's just watch from afar
As the relationships we've worked so hard to build
Fall apart right in front of our eyes
Because someone else seems to be in need of a guild
Made of people who have one track minds.
For once the waters of the chalices are spilled,
There is no use crying over what is gone.
So let us love in silence until the message has been drilled,
Into our minds, like a permanent fixture.
Let us watch the falling apart of relationships
That we've worked so hard to build.

Dec 7, 2010

When Those We Love Walk Away



Quite amusing how the heart changes
To encompass your change in mood
Because for a moment, I felt lost and all alone,
And then you were there with your jokes, so lewd;

I've realized lately
That's what you had is not always what you've got.
I remember there used to be a time
Where I used to leave my dark feeling rot;

But now it's back, that sense of loneliness,
Like I don't belong here anymore
If I could turn back the clock to my welcome past
It would heal this burning, cold sore.

Though you are the only one who can put a smile to my face,
You seem to have wandered away from me,
I gave you the code to my heart to put me at ease
You've just walked away, without the key.

When I'm with you, the world wants me
And when I'm away, or you don't care, I'm all alone
Something in me has changed for the worse
It's been a while since I've been glad to go back home.

Why do saviours never realize their worth?
Why does their lack rob from you your gleeful mirth?
Why are they so loudly blind?
And why do they toy with your love,
Your heart that they slowly unwind?

Dec 6, 2010

Imagine



For I feel hollow in my mind and my heart,
You know, when you give someone your trust,
And you believe that, though it's not very smart,
It's a friendship devoid of any intentions or lust-

And then he wanders away,
(Away from the land you call your home)
Through the forest that leads to another land as gay,
And oh, you've been left all alone.

It's because you lost somebody
You thought made you feel complete,
The worst is yourself knowing
That the process of it was so discrete,

And you are alone with a mind and heart so empty,
And you are plagued by a vacuous space, wider than any sea,

I fill it with my imagination,
But it only hurts me inside,
I imagine life without you,
In who do I confide?

I imagine with my rampant thoughts
A world that would bring me tears,
Would steal my heart and break it thrice over,
Confirmation of my worst fears.

Who do I trust when I am down?
Who do I hug when I do frown?
Who do I look upon to love me,
Love me unconditionally?

Nov 28, 2010

To Be Free!



With the viscous pulls on my wings,
Stay rooted firmly, on the ground,
Shaking uncontrollably,
The rebellious streak lying unfound;
Though you know you cannot deny me
The fortunes I deserve,
I remain bound by your lack of diplomacy,
Lost in a reserve.
You ask of me to fly with my wings tied,
Ask of me to smile in venomous bile,
Having robbed me of the need
To want to live in happiness indeed!

The things you do to me
Blind me to the point I cannot see,
You demand of me so much more
When you've taken away my tools and left my heart sore.

And now I long,
With every beat of a song,
To be free
Of your tyranny,
And every sucking pull
Chafes my face like wool
So much so that tears burn
My sore face as my stomach might churn-

For the day when I can fly
With my wings untied
And smile with all my heart
Sans the feeling that part of me just died.

Nov 27, 2010

Close Comfort



She was alone, cold to the bone,
Empty and pretending to be busy
To avoid pity from the girls of the city
Who saw her tucked in the corner

Because she felt empty, almost hollow,
With a strange kind of sorrow
And though she tried to rationalize
Her actions, explanations felt like lies.

So he went to her, with his unawares,
And he lit up her night,
He offered her his jacket
Because she was shivering in fright
Of who she was changing into,
Of who she was turning into.

And with his soothing conversation
With his warmth by her side,
They talked through the play and the fireworks,
And he her troubles set aside.

It proved to her that sometimes
All you need is sympathy,
Or just a change of subject to distract
You from the pain of empathy.

Nov 22, 2010

To Be a Girl of 16



The only thing that makes me sleep at night,
Is knowing that I will see you tomorrow;
Your presence is a drug to my soul,
Without it, I melt into sorrow...
And my heart leaps at the sight of your face
I don't know if anyone's ever told you
But you're beautiful;
And a smile plants itself on my lips
When we're together,
For it feels wonderful!

I question whether this is what love feels like
But I'm scared to find out the answer;
If we were paired for a Masquerade, in masks,
I'd fear the lilt in my gait should you be my dancer;
They glorify love-
And they say it rarely happens,
And they say that when you find love in another,
Approach it while it beckons;

But I could never love you openly,
For I'd leave our foundation in ruins
I'd be sacrificing us the way we are now,
I'd be a lone mouse and you the bruins;

And thus I, just a child in my heart,
Must carry on in silence,
I must supress the joy
That pools out of me with violence-
For I lose myself in your laugh,
And I drown in our contact,
I'm a prey to your charm,
And this infatuation is intact,

And so I love you from afar,
From distance, from near,
You're always in my heart,
If I should let anything slip, oh, I fear.
I love you in silence, the contents of my safe
To which the combination I don't know to date.

Oct 5, 2010

Reunited



Peace;
The day and the night united,
Owls smile, pleasantly delighted
And all feels well
When dawns the twilight.

Migratory birds
Reconnoitering with their mates
During the pleasant
Jetstreams of spring.

The currents swimming underneath
The brilliant blue of the sea;
The warmth and the chill are a hurricane
Let loose; set free.

If the world can reunite
And reach it's rightful paradigm
Why can't I have you again?
Why oh why can't I?

Oct 2, 2010

Snowflakes



Snowflakes glitter under velocity of night,
None the same as any other,
Decorating the palm of a little child,
And the ruffled hat of her mother.
Fascination douses her eyes,
The child examines the intricate, hexagonal, perky one-
And in the strange velocity of night
That very snowflake managed to find her.
On the drive home, her hand was cupped
Around that little fleck of snow,
And at home, she made it a bed in the freezer,
It's identity she seemed to know.

She sees only corpses and snowflakes
On the train, on her way to work,
And one day, she finds you-
Intricate and hexagonal with a perk.
The geography of your face fascinates her
And the complexity of your molecular structure,
Her cupped hands await,
As does a place in her heart of a strong tincture-
And she has found you-
Her little snowflake of childhood,
The destined reappearance you guaranteed-
Her unique snowflake of manhood.

There will be no one like you,
Her eyes confirm;
She will treasure you to her last breath;
And maybe, she is to you a snowflake too,
That you will savour,
Until your very moment of death.

Oct 1, 2010

If I Didn't Have You.



Troubles are such a blur
If you're there, in the end, to talk to;
The ghosts of the night are invisible,
After that midnight conversation with you.
Scares me now to imagine myself,
Going on without you to guide me
How could you always be there,
In the end, a lifeboat in a stormy sea-

If I didn't have you
I can't imagine a life
Where I'd still be living this happily.
If I didn't have you
I can't imagine what I'd be
Without your much-needed company.
Like a church pew of confessions
It's hard to reveal
All that I feel about you.
And though it may seem like I don't need you,
The truth is: I do, I do.

Broken-hearted, a mad little witch
I would be without your presence.
You can take away that insanity,
And make it yours too, participate in my nonsense.
All the good people in the world
Are good because they have someone like you
With them to stop their bouts of madness
The world needs more friends like you.

If I didn't have you
I can't imagine a life
Where I'd still be living this happily.
If I didn't have you
I can't imagine what I'd be
Without your much-needed company.
Like a church pew of confessions
It's hard to reveal
All that I feel about you.
And though it may seem like I don't need you,
The truth is: I do, I do. 

Sep 11, 2010

Dream A Dream Of You



That dream left me empty in the morning;
I woke up to find tears in my eyes
And lead in my heart,
And a half-choked sob at sunrise.
But it was all underscored by longing,
And that tired feeling of belonging
That has been severed helplessly
Meandering carelessly...

-----------
Elation rang through my persistent knocking
And the wood would crumple with the intensity of my hope,
And when it swung open, anticipation burst out,
I could feel its power alter my horoscope...
And then there you were, changed, present,
But I saw the pockmarks on your face
My emotion make me weak at my knees,
And then you started closing in the space-
I saw disease on your face, contagious and hungry,
Afraid that unity meant a disadvantage to me,
I stepped backwards and saw your face fall
But that face was devoid of your old expression, you see.
Reproach was there. But I saw discomfort,
Just like you must've seen the art attack in me,
I was afraid to move closer in case I caught your disease,
The longing in me was begging to be set free
Time must've passed as I absorbed you, you!
How much a heartache could make me love you more,
Afraid to speak, inside, I spoke too much,
In mind, my throat was already too sore.
Pieces were dislodging from my calm resolve,
Emotions started to blur my vision,
Here, you have changed so, so much
Since our unwilling, forced, heartbreaking division.
I would have hugged you if it wasn't for
The pustules of illness decorating your face,
I would have sang to you the song in my heart,
If I hadn't left my words back by the staircase.

When the words counted,
They came out like faint whispers,
Inadequate for all I must've felt.

A wedding cake is far too big for just one to consume,
So they give you just a single slice and then the celebrations resume,
Likewise, I gave you just a slice of words,
Because the cake of speech of too much to fume.
Tentative words, but a paragraph of questions
Were hanging ludicrously in the air,
And your tone of voice of such a poise,
Cascaded down your straight, dark hair.
We met like strangers, talked like strangers,
And little by little, my resolve gave way
I told you nothing that would be too dense
For your compehension, so strange today.
And the pauses,
So loud.
They spoke too much.

-------------------------------

Am I afraid of the change in you?
Am I afraid of our increasing divide?
Am I afraid of the breach of commnication?
Am I afraid of you choosing the other side?

Or am I just afriad of you?

These same tears were threatening to spill over
This morning when I awoke from the dream,
When I saw you uncomfortable, backing away,
Much to my terror, as it did make me scream,
Slowly turning to run away, up the stairs,
Paling into transparent mist,
With a young heart slowly shattering behind you,
Distended by a growing cyst,
And then the awakening, the realization,
That it was just a dream, so out of the blue!
But rolling over, the dangerous thought-
What if you and I, in the dream, were true?

Sep 3, 2010

Fridays


Fridays used to be exciting.
The end of the week, the freedom,
The eternal opposition to boredom,
Fridays used to be about the variety,
Talking and walking without propriety,
Going shopping at expensive stores
Even though your wallet has gigantic pores.
Fridays used to be about fun,
The family and the love,
Manners kept at bay
Where a push became a shove.

Fridays.
I dread going back home.
Family means something different now,
Maybe it's because I'm so alone.
Monotony awaits once I get off the bus,
It's essence strikes me as foul as pus
I'm not really home at all, home is something different now,
These rooms, my personality they never allow.
It's hard to bid family farewell,
Head down the stairwell,
Take the bus to outer space,
Stand on an unstable base.

A home is not a home,
If a Friday is not  Friday
If family isn't family
And a friend isn't a friend.




Sep 1, 2010

Fade Away

Heiroglyphics on tombs never fade
The hearts carved on trees never fade
A dot of permanent ink will never fade
The need for family will never fade.

But memories, so set in stone,
Dissolve into the jetstreams of the open sky
It's time that decides to wilingly pry
The happiness of our past from our hands.

Sitting silently sometimes,
Regurgitating the painful emotions of absence
Hating myself for forgetting, little by little,
The cost of love, pence by pence.

My apologies; I don't mean to forget you,
You just seem to fade away from my conscience..
Pixels of you disappeareing one by one,
And a blank canvas stares back with confidence.

Aug 31, 2010

To Be Free


Pools of pity,
Thoughts clandestine,
An ache lights up the sky,
Watch a shooting star fly by,
Forgot to make a wish.
A glimpse of the green leafy trees,
Heard the sound of the birds and the bees,
A picture the colour of the sky at midnight.
Wondering what grass feels like,
Craving the first touch of the scales of a pike,
Just a sliver of summer air,
And the taste of a stale autumn pear.

Dancing children, just the sounds of their laughter
Laughing carelessly about a happy ever after,
It strains my eyes but I manage to see
The flapping wings of a bird set free-
Retreating to The Den,
Longing sets my heart on fire,
There was never another site
That I would admire
More than the sight of the freedom that awaits me,
Glimpsed through a fracture in the wall,
Caging me.

Aug 20, 2010

Hollow


It doesn't feel like the world anymore
The sun's gone and my eyes are sore,
I had nobody but you,
I only ever had you.

Though I know you're still there
Across the desert somewhere,
I don't know you,
I don't remember you-

If I can't hear your voice again,
Or see the expression on your face again,
There's a pregnant pause,
I can't shatter it with applause.

All this while I've been seeing the rainbow,
Without knowing that there'll never be a pot of gold,
Seeing but never believing,
To myself the lies I sold.

Now there's just holes,
My deluded paroles,
I try to fill them in,
But the effort feels like sin,
You know I can't ever move on, so why
Do I even try?

Jun 8, 2010

13) The End


Where there is light,
There is hope,
There is a will and there is a way.
When time is infinity
There is patience
There is finality, there is a last day.
Though grains of sand take time to fall,
Though the wind takes time to blow,
There is always an end
For which you pray.

The fruits of patience and labour are the sweetest,
The oceans of time spent waiting are the deepest
And there is always an end in sight,
The light at the end of the tunnel is bright.

For months, I've been waiting, patient,
Longing to taste the glucose of success
But fate has toyed with my sanity
It has poured on me hopelessness in excess;
Waiting doesn't seem so bad
When there is a life to live, lessons to learn,
But when the saccharine saturation point is felt,
There is every pen to throw, every book to burn.

Freedom is close-
So tangible, I can taste it,
So velvety, I can feel it,
So prominent that it runs through my veins;
If I reach out, I can touch its wispy tendrils
And entwine them around my fingers.
There is still hope for me,
Where a silent warrior lingers.

Jun 4, 2010

12) Defining Poetry


Bulging eyes, a wheezing chest
Eyes twitching without much rest,
"You don't like poetry?" I said to you
You nodded tersely, you claimed it true.

"Poetry's lame" I heard her say
It was her mantra for each new day
"Impossible" I countered her thoughts
Like giving value to a bunch of naughts.

"I'll tell you what poetry is" and I opened my arms
She asked me what I was showing her: the sky? the farms?
Nodding, I pointed to the pole star, the sheep, the stream
I pointed towards the land that lies before us like a dream.

The innocent bubbles of water, gurgling like children
The babble of it as it crosses over rocks and by the playpen.
The darkening shades of the electric sky
And the flutter of wings of brids as on the town they spy.

I run my finger across the coarse grains of sand
The thick blades of grass, the contrast of parched, cracked land.
I gesture at the smallness of fleshy dewdrops of the morning
The hues of ochre oranges and sun yellows as night is dawning.

She looks confused, swept by beauty for sure
But to her, the message behind this land does not lure.
She doesn't see the sadness in a dog's slanted, hazel eyes,
Nor the hurt swimming in the tears the dark sky cries.

The swaying happiness of long stalks of wheat
The horrid chunk of many knives slicing through meat
The ebb and flow of the tide, a message, a symphony
The masquerade of life, the spectrum, raisn of melancholy.

Don't you see it? Don't you feel the rush of wind?
The cool breath of it in your hair, your gasps are pinned;
Don't you envy the listlessness of leaves?
Or how night darkens the jutting eaves?

She shakes her head. Now I feel angered by her.
She doesn't know the beauty of the smoothness of fur,
The uneasy trickles of time, ticking slowly by,
The rust on the rails as trains pass,
The movement of the planet and its many entities,
The constant sound of noise, the feel of life, the taste of wetness
The sight of energy and the smell of roses.

I am sad that you don't see through these masks
I am sad you don't see life pass on by
I am sad that you don't realize the world moves constantly
As if it is keeping itself from saying goodbye.


;;

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