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Jan 24, 2010

7) Spare Me That Frustration

Why don't you ever get it,
Pain is not the answer.
It's the question,
The answer is "no".
It's not the solution,
Not the means by which you'll be better.
It's a maddening lure
To which you say "no".

You must enjoy it,
Hurting yourself so vehemently,
Until the blood from your body vanishes,
Huddled in a pool on the floor.
You must be so relieved,
To inflict pain for reasons nonexistent,
To hurt all those who ever believed
That you had it in you to be strong and let go.

Go on. Hurt yourself.
I won't be an obstacle anymore.
I'll let you live in your pain,
Even if it's a crime to do so.
Like the spread of a single spore,
Hurt your body, feel the sore,
Believe in your ignorant core,
Live in your pain galore.


Anonymous said...

Wow that's a kinda morbid poem. I sort of get what your saying though. Correct me if I'm wrong, but is it about somebody who constantly puts themself into situations that will inevitably hurt them in the end? If I'm right and that is what its about I totally get it. A recent(recent meaning Friday night) experience with pain that isn't physical but emotional forces me to get the meaning. Yes it is over a boy. *sigh*

~Dimka and Roza 4eva~

Aishwarya Swan-Cullen said...

It is a morbid poem. If you check out my daily blog [the one which I still -sigh- have to fix], I've mentioned a girl called Toria who has a few problems that lead her to commit suicide. All the poems labelled "suicide" are inspired by her insanity. I see her so intent to throw her life away fro nothing that I feel so disgusted by it. She cuts herself brutally. Ugh....

Oooh, a boy? Do tell me about this....

Ash xx

Anonymous said...

First of all that is disgusting how people would do that to themselves. You see it every day in your life and you wonder what drives them to that.

Second, there isn't much too say except my crush, who shall remain nameless, didn't ask me to dance. I think I should mention there was a dance Friday night at my school. Instead he danced with one of my best friends. Yeah very hurtful indeed.

~Dimka and Roza 4eva~

Aishwarya Swan-Cullen said...

Hmm, to see the full extent of my poem, you might want to read every post of and the latest post of

Awwwwww :( Nameless crush danced with your best friend? That's a bit sad. But you know what's more? Crushes are so called because they can leave you heartbroken with each step they take. Be natural around him and focus on someone else. It's not his fault because the other part of him being a crush is that he doesn't know you like him. You should either now make advances towards him, or step back and aim elsewhere [celebs are a good alternative XD]

Ash xx

Anonymous said...

Ok your friend is kinda scaring me. I just couldn't read all of the posts on her blog because they were just plain sad. It's sad that her life is like that. It is good she has those moments of happiness and joy. However her cutting herself is pointless self-destruction. She could have such potential as a writer. She conveys such emotion and depth with very word she types. To do things like cutting herself is just throwing away beautiful talent. Plus she said in her earlier posts how much God saved her life, well I don't think God saved her life then just to have her throw it away now. :(

Ash thanks for giving me advice. Nameless crush most likely knows I like him because everyone is always telling him I like him. ::sigh:: Anyway I decided to step back and and aim somewhere else as you said. I decided I will eternally love Paul Wesley (Stefan on the Vampire Diaries. Have you read those books/watched the show?) Nameless crush hurt me but I'll somehow pick up the pieces and move on with my life. Even if that does take a while...

~Dimka and Roza 4eva~

Anonymous said...

Not to nag but when are you gonna the commenting on the daily blog to the commenting you had before?

~Dimka and Roza 4eva~

Aishwarya Swan-Cullen said...

You're not nagging, relax. I tried fixing that - I've stripped it of ALL widgets and I've tried putting all sorts of templates on it but the comments are just not going to show up. I'm considering starting the blog all over. Whaddaya say?

Well, if he knows and he still danced with your best friend, I guess he doesn't return what you feel for him. Or he was trying to make you jealous. Lol - but no, I haven't read/seen it even though it's on my list. Aim for better, honey =)

It's sad that Richelle isn't posting as frequently....maybe she's busy with the KGB neighbs....

Everything you said - that one paragraph - every single word in there is what I've been trying to tell her right from the start but I can't say anything because for every ounce of help I give, she gives me a tonne of blame and scorn and pathetic stubbornness. It's maddening. I don't like to talk about people behind their back, but if you could see the stuff she says to me on this chatsite place called "Chatzy", you'd be scared and hurt too. Oh well. Life's like that.

Ash xx

Anonymous said...

Ya! You fixed the commenting on the daily blog! Now I don't have to fill this blog with my comments from that blog. hehe!

Don't worry about my situation with Nameless Crush. Saying his name/thinking about him/ talking to him/being around him doesn't bother me that much anymore. One of my BFF's saw me this weekend and let me tell you I was not in the least presentable. I was in my old pajamas, with my hair in a bun on my head, make-up under my eyes(I hadn't taken it off from the night before) which made me look like a raccoon, and I was in my room, in the dark, listening to loud music eating peanut butter (my ultimate comfort food) and crying. After seeing that, she immediately resolved to help me build a temporary immunity to the opposite gender. I know, I know, a little extreme, but she gets credit for helping me in my hour of need. Anyways its working right now and I feel rested and wonderful. That is definitely something I haven't felt in a while.

Anyways, to a lighter topic, have you read Richelle's latest post? She sounds so much like a stalker. Yet again she sounds like my mom because my mom does that all the time!

Back to your friend. I feel your pain. I haven't had a suicidal friend before but I have had friends treat me in that way when I'm trying to help them, like the time one of my friends became anorexic because her mother wanted her to be a model. My other friends and I made sure she had a complete lunch every day and ate it all. She hated us every minute of it but eventualy she got better. She now looks back on the ordeal with embarassment and she can't believe she was actually like that.

Bottom line is no matter what your friend says to you, you have to build up a defense to negativity on her part. Take her negativity and change it into positive energy that you continue to feed back to her through compassion and care. Its not going to be easy for her or you guys, her friends. But hey life isn't easy either.

I also understand she is taking medications for depression. Some depression meds can cause side-effects such as suicidal thoughts or actions. Denial is the first symptom of such side-effects. That might also be a contributor/cause of her cutting herself.

Being an unbiased 3rd party gives me the luxury of just saying what I believe without worrying about the feelings on the other person's behalf. My position puts me in a place where I can speak the truth freely and without worry. I think someone should tell your friend what I am because she is in terrible danger of self-destruction. I hate to see people ruin their life for absolutely no reason.

~Dimka and Roza 4eva~

T♥R said...

Good poem. However, the comments I could have done without.

I'm not going to start up old shit, but I will say, you just don't understand, and can't if you've never cut yourself, and it oozes with every word the both of you typed.

One last thing...It pisses me off more than anything for people to say what I do and what I do through is for "absolutely no reason." Unless you live my life and know what I'm going through, don't fucking tell me why I do what I do.


Back to your poem. It was good. However, in response to some of the things you said in it -
1.) Yes I enjoy it.
2.) Yes it relieves me.
3.) No the reasons are not fucking nonexistent.

Buut...that's all. xP

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