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Feb 28, 2010

27) Can't Write You My Heart

When I dreamt that I could say the words
That would've healed the wounds of humanity
My mouth dried up and I looked away,
So much for my intelligent sanity.

Though I thought I could mend my broken heart
I ran out of gauze and Band-Aids,
I couldn't express the way I felt well enough,
Now my happiness slowly fades.

Neither with ink nor words embossed with light
Can I seem to write you my heart
As if my lake of words I could've said has dried,
My world wouldn't have blown apart.
Why aren't my words good enough
To show how your gaze is so rough?
Why aren't I your first choice, tell me that,
Why do you keep cringing from my voice?
Please tell me you want me, and if you don't,
I'm ready to leave and just go
Please tell me if you're using me,
I won't be mad - I just want to know!

As ten thousand ships of belief pull away,
I wonder whether my attitude and I should stay,
Because I feel so cold underneath the skies so grey
Let the words I can say come, amen, I pray.

26) Illusion

Whoever you've been with me
Has been such an illusion
If this is who you really are then
Sorrow and Hell have undergone a fusion;
This is not who you are,
And yet how did I get so far
If I still believe I have you?
Why did you change like this,
What sign did I ever miss,
To have you walk away like you do?
I remember when it was just us two hangin'
Invitations on my door were bangin'
But now I feel like I'm stranglin'
Your indifference my neck is wranglin'
It makes no sense to me, not at all,
Why is it that when you break away I fall?
I thought you were my one forever and all,
I thought I knew knew ya, but not at all.

Plain and simple: you let me tumble,
When I thought you were my best friend,
And in the end, I heard a godsend,
I don't know you though you're my best friend.
People asking me what's wrong with you
Why you and I aren't walking anymore
And I just don't know.
Though I am your best friend and you mine,
I just don't know.

One day you have me hugging you
And the next you leave me alone, it's true,
Tell me why do you behave like you do?
Behave like the sky is yellow when it's blue.
You say you try to keep me close to yourself
But everytime you just kick me off your bookshelf
And at the end of the day, I walk home; it's been just confusion
Living with you and your warm illusion.

Feb 15, 2010

25) A Happy Valentine

There I was with my mind in the roses
Swimming on the beach with you, modelled in poses,
Dreaming of your touch, your carress, your hug,
How every look in your eyes'd bite me like a lovebug,
Hoping that that day'd be the best one ever,
Hoping that I'd never look back, no, never;
And I lost my head with message you sent,
You tore me like a half-teak paper, no promises meant,
I was left stand on Valentine's Day
With my once love-filled face blushing away.
Oh you hurt me, boy you pierced my heart
Now I don't know from where to start,
Tell me how will I pick up my life again
So I can spare myself some good old pain?
I didn't expect you to be so harsh
Treating me like an animal born right from the marsh-
Your words speared my senses and I coudn't cry,
I couldn't let out all the pain even though I did try-
Is this what you do every February 14?
Do you break a girl's heart even before you've seen
How much she loves you more every passing day?
Did you too never feel that way?
Do you know how much you don't deserve me
If in me this is what you see?
If you don't see me for the goddess I am then I'll be fine
Without you in my life, walking on my line,
You're not worth this this pain, this broken heart of mine,
Now that I'm not with you, consider me a happy valentine.

Feb 13, 2010

24) Lost

Dimmed have the days of happiness
These past heart-rendering days.
They've brought an ocean of tears to my eyes
Of which only the pain stays.
Such an oceanic mass of tears,
And such tiny, clouded eyes
That can show no hurt or pain,
Even though they stare at so many lies.
They're drowning in insurmountable guilt,
Lost in the face of a bleary sky
But nothing, not the brightest star
Will assist to stop me cry.
There's so much to do and so much to say,
But behind every day of joy there's too much pain.
I'd rather be lost in the realm of insanity,
Than ever feel this agony again.

Feb 11, 2010

23) Drown (Part I)

As the winter rains tattoo the windows,
And the skies turn inky black,
Walking on, I know there is no road
That will help take me back.
For I feel so lost in a giant world
Made out of concrete and metal dreams,
Each step I take is made so complicated,
No simplicity remains, it seems.

Where did all the happiness go?
Did it evaporate like these puddles of rain?
For Man makes this life so hard to live,
So borderlined and downright insane.
The largest lakes or the smallest teardrops
Call me name for I, in them, want to drown
To insulate my mind from the grasps of the world
As this insanity continues to pull me down.

22) I Apologize

There's nothing more I can say
That that I apologize to you,
For the times I just stayed away
And didn't make an effort for you.
I let it all go too far; I realize it now,
I apologize if you're hurt,
I know you, and I must have been curt.
The truth is that I look away
Whenever you show that you're sad,
Because I feel that it's all because of me,
But all along, I was too dim to see.
I feel like the Demetrius to Helena
Ignoring your desperation with a blind eye,
But believe me, this is not for me,
And I'm still not ready to say Goodbye.
I don't know what I'm to speak,
Your seriousness has left me weak,
While I assume it all to be a game,
You would have never felt the same.
You're older and better. You need somebody.
But I don't - besides me, I need nobody,
And I told you I never believed in love like a child,
That fact is easy to decipher in my thought-lost mind.
The air around us is too serious for my comfort,
Where I told you I wanted nothing firm,
But you've taken me too far, the final par,
In your intensity I'm left to do nothing but squirm.

Feb 10, 2010

21) Why So Hard?

Every step taken forward,
Is bringing regret closer than ever,
Every glance up norward,
Makes sure that there is no joy, never.
But of course there is,
There is hope in everything.
Hope in all but this.
For moments flit across one's path
Like shadow crossing streets,
Like the moonlight switches objects,
Like hungry lice on beets.
Moments like these break one's armour
And rob them of hope,
Leaving them to mope,
With not a way to cope.
If answers come, we will recover,
But if the don't, the regret will hover,
Haunting us until we give in:
Give in to sheer denial,
Not a hint of luck on speed-dial,
Which is when we will drown to deep,
And aqueous sorrow into our skin will seep.

20) Feels Like a Girl

Persistently I may be telling you
That it cannot be, just go away,
When in my mind I love it,
I love how you flirt with me and what you say
Because it make me feel,
It make me reel,
It makes me smile like a girl;
It makes me blush,
And though our conversations are a hush,
I feel like such a girl.
The world doesn't approve of what you write
But to me, those words are the most promiscuous in sight,
For they're different to the words I hear
In my everyday passing - so dull and drear.
But your words light up my mind
That's been, for the day, the dormant kind,
And I look away just to smile-
Nobody has made me feel so feminine in a while.
I look away just to smile, oh boy,
Hoping you don't sense my  joy.

Feb 9, 2010

19) Every Memory

The times you laugh,
You remember the most,
Because it's evidence
That you're not a ghost.
But when you cry,
Your life is divisible
Because it feels as if
You wander invisible.
If there's not a reflection in the mirror,
If on sight of crime, you feel no thriller
It's just not right to be so sad,
And to make moments simply a filler.
If nothing else, just smile
Because it'll make you feel good for a while
It may not be easy, but set the tears free
If grief is what you want, just let it be!
But don't hold on,
Not every memory
Need be of sorrow,
And pain so sensory.
Not every twinge
Of mortal pain
Needs to be felt
Twice again.

Feb 8, 2010

18) So Many Hearts Breaking

The air is tinted with the smell of blood
The tinge of metal and the colour of mud,
The sharp taste of horrors and fears,
A whiff of strong sorrow and tears,
Collectively, these smells join cause
To unite against the ones who pause
While deciding whether to break hearts or not,
Or simply leave the love to mould and rot.
So many hearts breaking,
So much indecision,
So many lips shaking,
Stopping sobs with precision,
Broken heart upon another,
Tolling hurt will joy smother,
But cruel criminals never learn,
Leaving more hearts to burn.

Feb 7, 2010

17) I Know Pain Too


Mirrored in a person's eyes,
These lips smile and these eyes twinkle
These tresses flick and ripple
These bubbles of ecstacy show
Just these, these, and nothing more.
Not shown are the purpling bruises
Hidden beneath sweaters and a shirt,
Not shown are the marks of tears
As soap counters their tracks of hurt
Nor the blood from internal pain
Borne by the sounds of metal on flesh
Neither the  the sounds of sobs again
That with each moment emerge afresh.
Just that mask,
That hides so much and shows so little,
So that the world does not judge,
And the soul is not be belittled.
Where there is no option, no shelter
The only alternative is the open;
The solace of birds and seas:
Peace do they singly shapen.
No support, no help, no aid,
Asking for the hurt to quickly fade
Just a stoked poker face
Shows and blooms and well is made.
Lies coat this utopian world
That has been built out of nothing but dreams
And what there is to my sharp pain
Nothing, no one can dream to realize
Free to be hurt, controlled and defied
I may dream, sound true, but my words are lies,
Not a single essence of my masked pain is
Mirrored in a person's eyes.

16) Marionettes

Everything I said,
Every view I gave on the world-
That you should never give up,
That the world will turn around
And at some point be
What you want it to be,
Is a lie. It's a world I'd live in
If I wasn't surrounded by sin
If I could decide what my life would be,
If people never stuck to destiny.

The day I was born there was a vow in my blood,
To raise me up as some kind of perfect girl
With the perfect face, perfect mind,
With the most perfect personality one could find.
That day was the day I could never love
Somebody I wanted to when I grew up
'Cause I was raised to wed the perfect guy
With the perfect face, perfect mind.
The world feels like the puppeteer,
And I the hopeless marionette,
The twitch of a string
I'd take command in my wing
Like my future's already set.
Cut the strings, and my soul sings,
The song of freedom everyday
To have you mistaken loons understand
Me isn't possible in any way.

I feel so manipulated, so controlled
Like my future's already set in stone
Where I thought cool water flowed with peace,
There are icy stones and cumbersome debris.
You say that being what this Age allows me to be
Is a terrible curse
And I should live in your past,
But that's even worse.
Let me decide how bad I feel,
For my heart's not yours,
It was never yours.

Feb 5, 2010

15) I'm Happy

No I don't believe in a God
Because I don't want rules to life
Like the morning sun isn't blue
Like a newborn calf doesn't moo
But I'd love to believe
In a God if he set you free
If he doused you in cold water
And forced you to See.

So doesn't it hurt?
Doesn't the pain accumulate-
And run through your blood like cold fire-
Doesn't it kill all your desire,
Didn't He make you see
All the thoughts that plagued me?
For I believe you. I believe you know Him.
For I believe you, even though I don't believe in Him.

And the rush you've made me feel,
All my sorrow just seemed to heal-
And all the hurt that ever lay,
Seems to have been washed all away.
There's just one emotion I taste
One which I feel in much haste
Oh I'm blissful more than I've been before
And you've heard Him; I need no more.

I see a new face behind the same eyes,
I see you pure in your soul,
I see you immune to all the world's lies,
I see no more a gaping hole.
You've been compeleted,
A feat I wanted to help you achieve
But you've done this all by your own,
Your seeds only you have sown.
But I'm happy, oh, I'm happy
More than I've ever been before
This rush I can't pen in words
The ecstacy makes my sorrow sore.

I'm happy,
And you're happy.
And to me that's all I need,
And to me that's damn good a deed.

Feb 4, 2010

14) Understanding You Part 2

I don't understand what I do wrong,
But help you when you need me to do so,
I help you to keep yourself standing tall
And yet you keep saying that I don't know.
Maybe I don't know,
Maybe you're right to say so,
But maybe I was right all along,
And you were so woefully wrong.
Maybe I care you're getting hurt,
Maybe I care you're getting me hurt,
Maybe I truly undestand, I do,
Maybe I want you to be you.
Because I can feel the spite in you veins
As you succumb to the rush of your pains
And maybe I don't want you to an illusion.
Maybe I want just.
If you want my help tell me so,
If you don't then I can take a "no",
But please don't continue to hurt me.
Don't tell me I tell you how to live,
Don't scorn the suggestions I do give,
Just say it to my face whether you want me
Or don't.

13) Understanding You

She's not a puzzle so hard to break,
In fact, she's terribly simple
Her word is a word, her oath an oath,
No double meanings her thoughts crimple.
Just upset and sad,
Suicidal and mad.
She says there's no one who knows her,
She says that pain is her only way,
Her hope is that with the pain she may
Make all her hurt go right away.
But how is it the solution,
A body for happiness?
Death for serenity,
Lips of chappiness?
How is it the solution for her?
How is risk in any way an answer?
Why can't she open her eyes
And think the thoughts ours were?

Feb 3, 2010

12) Disease

Though the spirit is elevating,
I do look out the window
And the sight strikes me of an epidemic
The twisted face of a widow....

There lies a battlefield stained with tears,
Where men simply lie drowned in fears
And the face is upturned in grief,
Teary dewdrops like that of a morning leaf;
There is one in sorrow no one knows the source of,
One in pain no one knows the meaning of,
One in worry for the one in sorrow no one knows the source of,
One in worry for all three.
One upset over the rotten fruits of sweet labour,
One upset over the species of the fruit of no labour,
One I feel I have upset with a lecture,
One who's moodiness is only a conjecture.
Why do we drown ourselves in hurt,
When there is really nothing curt?
Why do we sleep with frowns on our heads,
When we never even toss and turn in our beds?

And such stupidity, such complication
Is a contagious disease,
For when one has shed the slightest tear
Not a single person seems to be at ease.
Only I am happy in a land of the dead,
A yellow flower in a sea of red,
For it seems to be that I am immune,
To the grief with which others are commune.
Sadness spreads like an infection
And ruins characters built to perfection
And it is only we who give in
To the temptation of hurt originated from false sin.

Feb 2, 2010

11) Sharp Edges

If words were like knives
In the hands of a killer,
Their cut would be sharp
And our bodies would be stiller.
If they could cut with the grace
And the stab of a dagger,
The world would be dead,
Empty even in it's swagger.
If words were like sharp edges,
So easily bringing to skin blood,
Slowly removing a layer of sanity,
Our virtues would be caked in mud.
If every utterance hurt,
If every sentence could kill,
You'd be the only human left
With much secrets to spill.
If words were so sharp,
So shiny, so cruel,
This world would be gone
And crushed into gruel.
If you could hear yourself speak
And spit out venom with every syllable,
The world and you would remain
Eternally immiscible.


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