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Sep 11, 2010

Dream A Dream Of You

That dream left me empty in the morning;
I woke up to find tears in my eyes
And lead in my heart,
And a half-choked sob at sunrise.
But it was all underscored by longing,
And that tired feeling of belonging
That has been severed helplessly
Meandering carelessly...

Elation rang through my persistent knocking
And the wood would crumple with the intensity of my hope,
And when it swung open, anticipation burst out,
I could feel its power alter my horoscope...
And then there you were, changed, present,
But I saw the pockmarks on your face
My emotion make me weak at my knees,
And then you started closing in the space-
I saw disease on your face, contagious and hungry,
Afraid that unity meant a disadvantage to me,
I stepped backwards and saw your face fall
But that face was devoid of your old expression, you see.
Reproach was there. But I saw discomfort,
Just like you must've seen the art attack in me,
I was afraid to move closer in case I caught your disease,
The longing in me was begging to be set free
Time must've passed as I absorbed you, you!
How much a heartache could make me love you more,
Afraid to speak, inside, I spoke too much,
In mind, my throat was already too sore.
Pieces were dislodging from my calm resolve,
Emotions started to blur my vision,
Here, you have changed so, so much
Since our unwilling, forced, heartbreaking division.
I would have hugged you if it wasn't for
The pustules of illness decorating your face,
I would have sang to you the song in my heart,
If I hadn't left my words back by the staircase.

When the words counted,
They came out like faint whispers,
Inadequate for all I must've felt.

A wedding cake is far too big for just one to consume,
So they give you just a single slice and then the celebrations resume,
Likewise, I gave you just a slice of words,
Because the cake of speech of too much to fume.
Tentative words, but a paragraph of questions
Were hanging ludicrously in the air,
And your tone of voice of such a poise,
Cascaded down your straight, dark hair.
We met like strangers, talked like strangers,
And little by little, my resolve gave way
I told you nothing that would be too dense
For your compehension, so strange today.
And the pauses,
So loud.
They spoke too much.


Am I afraid of the change in you?
Am I afraid of our increasing divide?
Am I afraid of the breach of commnication?
Am I afraid of you choosing the other side?

Or am I just afriad of you?

These same tears were threatening to spill over
This morning when I awoke from the dream,
When I saw you uncomfortable, backing away,
Much to my terror, as it did make me scream,
Slowly turning to run away, up the stairs,
Paling into transparent mist,
With a young heart slowly shattering behind you,
Distended by a growing cyst,
And then the awakening, the realization,
That it was just a dream, so out of the blue!
But rolling over, the dangerous thought-
What if you and I, in the dream, were true?

Sep 3, 2010


Fridays used to be exciting.
The end of the week, the freedom,
The eternal opposition to boredom,
Fridays used to be about the variety,
Talking and walking without propriety,
Going shopping at expensive stores
Even though your wallet has gigantic pores.
Fridays used to be about fun,
The family and the love,
Manners kept at bay
Where a push became a shove.

I dread going back home.
Family means something different now,
Maybe it's because I'm so alone.
Monotony awaits once I get off the bus,
It's essence strikes me as foul as pus
I'm not really home at all, home is something different now,
These rooms, my personality they never allow.
It's hard to bid family farewell,
Head down the stairwell,
Take the bus to outer space,
Stand on an unstable base.

A home is not a home,
If a Friday is not  Friday
If family isn't family
And a friend isn't a friend.

Sep 1, 2010

Fade Away

Heiroglyphics on tombs never fade
The hearts carved on trees never fade
A dot of permanent ink will never fade
The need for family will never fade.

But memories, so set in stone,
Dissolve into the jetstreams of the open sky
It's time that decides to wilingly pry
The happiness of our past from our hands.

Sitting silently sometimes,
Regurgitating the painful emotions of absence
Hating myself for forgetting, little by little,
The cost of love, pence by pence.

My apologies; I don't mean to forget you,
You just seem to fade away from my conscience..
Pixels of you disappeareing one by one,
And a blank canvas stares back with confidence.


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