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3 years ago
Jan 2, 2011
No title. Tried to make one, but failed.
0 comments These are the terribly insignificant musings of Aishwarya Nagar at 9:59 AM
You didn't have to choose
But you did,
You didn't have to pick,
But you did.
And in conclusion,
You broke someone's heart.
Young hearts can mend easily,
But from a mind, betrayal can never depart.
---------
Big words are so often used-
An 'I love you' tossed here,
A 'you are my life' thrown in there,
Empty words to prevent despair.
Empty words. Empty promises.
A hurtful wastage of an innocent heart,
Made worse by incalculable indifference
A drop of bitter citrus on the tongue: shuddering, tart.
Because we all want somebody to love
And when you have just a singular 'somebody'
It means quite a lot,
But not when to them, you are just 'anybody'.
Betrayal stings like the stab of a knife,
The wound of which is sprinkled with lemon and salt,
It discolours happy relationships,
It lets crumble a stable house into an earthquake fault.
Watching the sturdy brick house of mine
Fall apart
Just because your words deluded me into thinking
I meant to you what you meant to me; but oh, what a kickstart-
Realized just now that the place that meant home
Has thrown me out of its walls.
Realized that the words I thought meant something,
Meant nothing at all.
Sep 11, 2010
Dream A Dream Of You
0 comments These are the terribly insignificant musings of Aishwarya Nagar at 12:05 AM
That dream left me empty in the morning;
I woke up to find tears in my eyes
And lead in my heart,
And a half-choked sob at sunrise.
But it was all underscored by longing,
And that tired feeling of belonging
That has been severed helplessly
Meandering carelessly...
-----------
Elation rang through my persistent knocking
And the wood would crumple with the intensity of my hope,
And when it swung open, anticipation burst out,
I could feel its power alter my horoscope...
And then there you were, changed, present,
But I saw the pockmarks on your face
My emotion make me weak at my knees,
And then you started closing in the space-
I saw disease on your face, contagious and hungry,
Afraid that unity meant a disadvantage to me,
I stepped backwards and saw your face fall
But that face was devoid of your old expression, you see.
Reproach was there. But I saw discomfort,
Just like you must've seen the art attack in me,
I was afraid to move closer in case I caught your disease,
The longing in me was begging to be set free
Time must've passed as I absorbed you, you!
How much a heartache could make me love you more,
Afraid to speak, inside, I spoke too much,
In mind, my throat was already too sore.
Pieces were dislodging from my calm resolve,
Emotions started to blur my vision,
Here, you have changed so, so much
Since our unwilling, forced, heartbreaking division.
I would have hugged you if it wasn't for
The pustules of illness decorating your face,
I would have sang to you the song in my heart,
If I hadn't left my words back by the staircase.
When the words counted,
They came out like faint whispers,
Inadequate for all I must've felt.
A wedding cake is far too big for just one to consume,
So they give you just a single slice and then the celebrations resume,
Likewise, I gave you just a slice of words,
Because the cake of speech of too much to fume.
Tentative words, but a paragraph of questions
Were hanging ludicrously in the air,
And your tone of voice of such a poise,
Cascaded down your straight, dark hair.
We met like strangers, talked like strangers,
And little by little, my resolve gave way
I told you nothing that would be too dense
For your compehension, so strange today.
And the pauses,
So loud.
They spoke too much.
-------------------------------
Am I afraid of the change in you?
Am I afraid of our increasing divide?
Am I afraid of the breach of commnication?
Am I afraid of you choosing the other side?
Or am I just afriad of you?
These same tears were threatening to spill over
This morning when I awoke from the dream,
When I saw you uncomfortable, backing away,
Much to my terror, as it did make me scream,
Slowly turning to run away, up the stairs,
Paling into transparent mist,
With a young heart slowly shattering behind you,
Distended by a growing cyst,
And then the awakening, the realization,
That it was just a dream, so out of the blue!
But rolling over, the dangerous thought-
What if you and I, in the dream, were true?
Sep 3, 2010
Fridays used to be exciting.
The end of the week, the freedom,
The eternal opposition to boredom,
Fridays used to be about the variety,
Talking and walking without propriety,
Going shopping at expensive stores
Even though your wallet has gigantic pores.
Fridays used to be about fun,
The family and the love,
Manners kept at bay
Where a push became a shove.
Fridays.
I dread going back home.
Family means something different now,
Maybe it's because I'm so alone.
Monotony awaits once I get off the bus,
It's essence strikes me as foul as pus
I'm not really home at all, home is something different now,
These rooms, my personality they never allow.
It's hard to bid family farewell,
Head down the stairwell,
Take the bus to outer space,
Stand on an unstable base.
A home is not a home,
If a Friday is not Friday
If family isn't family
And a friend isn't a friend.
Jun 1, 2010
11) Let You Go
0 comments These are the terribly insignificant musings of Aishwarya Nagar at 9:49 PM
I've been standing underneath these heavenly showers
Even though the clouds have long since parted away.
Rain drops are prominent on the lids of my eyes
I cannot seem to handle the pain today.
Crippling, slowly, down on my knees
Music in my heart makes me weak
I open my mouth to say something
But beauty has robbed my chance to speak
To you.
Harmonies of pianos in my head, serenading the love I feel-
Rose petals scattered on my bed, as if nothing feels real-
My lips cannot sing goodbye for you
I can't let you go, let you go, let you go.
I pledge to myself: I won't cry for you
A friend, I won't let you go, let you go, let you go.
Smiling even though it hurts to be happy
For your sake I'll let you go, let you go, let you go.
And when I hug you for the last time, farewell,
I know I'll have to let you go, let you go, let you go.
May 2, 2010
5) Time to Say Goodbye
0 comments These are the terribly insignificant musings of Aishwarya Nagar at 1:47 AM
Smiling more than usual,
I've never seen you prettier before
With happiness in your eyes,
Soul as clear as the summer skies.
Sobbing into your knees
I've never seen you sadder before
With grief an oceanic puddle at your feet,
Salty drops darkening the ground peat.
But the glance of an eye nearby
Makes me crazy,
I remember every look you gave me
And though it's hard to forget the past,
I'd better forget it fast,
Before I become the dead of the day
And the soulless blackness of the night-
I should forget my past,
I should forget you fast,
But the sails that gleam from my mast
Sail to you....
Mar 21, 2010
28) Slashes on My Wrist
1 comments These are the terribly insignificant musings of Aishwarya Nagar at 6:44 AM
The searing pain I feel across my chest
Is all your fault;
Tears are beginning to glaze my eyes,
Black drops on the asphalt
And by the end of the night
I know I'm going to lose this fight
With my own will and my own ways
Because I've been thinking for days and days and days-
Is this really what I want, the pain?
Do I want to feel hurt all over again?
Isn't it better to end such reckless insanity?
When you told me, my eyes did rain
Tears of fear and hopeless on the terrain
Left me wondering, is this your charity?
I would never want you to go like this,
Sad and crying that you I'd terribly miss
But this darkness - it won't stop mobbing me.
I know there's a way to stop the ripping in my chest,
Sorrow can get to the best of the best
Blood is clouding all I could see.
Distract me from this emotional backlash;
Sharp blades I see; a hidden stash-
Just one swipe and it'll all be gone
(The pain, the hurt, the sorrow)
Words adorn the base of my wrist
Want infiltrates my mind like mist
Not caring what you think, I reach and slash-
And when it's over I won't feel again,
Your presence keeps me sane
Now that you're going to go away
I won't be here to play.
Feb 15, 2010
25) A Happy Valentine
0 comments These are the terribly insignificant musings of Aishwarya Nagar at 5:19 AM
There I was with my mind in the roses
Swimming on the beach with you, modelled in poses,
Dreaming of your touch, your carress, your hug,
How every look in your eyes'd bite me like a lovebug,
Hoping that that day'd be the best one ever,
Hoping that I'd never look back, no, never;
And I lost my head with message you sent,
You tore me like a half-teak paper, no promises meant,
I was left stand on Valentine's Day
With my once love-filled face blushing away.
Oh you hurt me, boy you pierced my heart
Now I don't know from where to start,
Tell me how will I pick up my life again
So I can spare myself some good old pain?
I didn't expect you to be so harsh
Treating me like an animal born right from the marsh-
Your words speared my senses and I coudn't cry,
I couldn't let out all the pain even though I did try-
Is this what you do every February 14?
Do you break a girl's heart even before you've seen
How much she loves you more every passing day?
Did you too never feel that way?
Do you know how much you don't deserve me
If in me this is what you see?
If you don't see me for the goddess I am then I'll be fine
Without you in my life, walking on my line,
You're not worth this this pain, this broken heart of mine,
Now that I'm not with you, consider me a happy valentine.
Feb 7, 2010
17) I Know Pain Too
0 comments These are the terribly insignificant musings of Aishwarya Nagar at 9:35 PM
Mirrored in a person's eyes,
These lips smile and these eyes twinkle
These tresses flick and ripple
These bubbles of ecstacy show
Just these, these, and nothing more.
Not shown are the purpling bruises
Hidden beneath sweaters and a shirt,
Not shown are the marks of tears
As soap counters their tracks of hurt
Nor the blood from internal pain
Borne by the sounds of metal on flesh
Neither the the sounds of sobs again
That with each moment emerge afresh.
Just that mask,
That hides so much and shows so little,
So that the world does not judge,
And the soul is not be belittled.
Where there is no option, no shelter
The only alternative is the open;
The solace of birds and seas:
Peace do they singly shapen.
No support, no help, no aid,
Asking for the hurt to quickly fade
Just a stoked poker face
Shows and blooms and well is made.
Lies coat this utopian world
That has been built out of nothing but dreams
And what there is to my sharp pain
Nothing, no one can dream to realize
Free to be hurt, controlled and defied
I may dream, sound true, but my words are lies,
Not a single essence of my masked pain is
Mirrored in a person's eyes.
16) Marionettes
0 comments These are the terribly insignificant musings of Aishwarya Nagar at 8:45 PM
Everything I said,
Every view I gave on the world-
That you should never give up,
That the world will turn around
And at some point be
What you want it to be,
Is a lie. It's a world I'd live in
If I wasn't surrounded by sin
If I could decide what my life would be,
If people never stuck to destiny.
The day I was born there was a vow in my blood,
To raise me up as some kind of perfect girl
With the perfect face, perfect mind,
With the most perfect personality one could find.
That day was the day I could never love
Somebody I wanted to when I grew up
'Cause I was raised to wed the perfect guy
With the perfect face, perfect mind.
The world feels like the puppeteer,
And I the hopeless marionette,
The twitch of a string
I'd take command in my wing
Like my future's already set.
Cut the strings, and my soul sings,
The song of freedom everyday
To have you mistaken loons understand
Me isn't possible in any way.
I feel so manipulated, so controlled
Like my future's already set in stone
Where I thought cool water flowed with peace,
There are icy stones and cumbersome debris.
You say that being what this Age allows me to be
Is a terrible curse
And I should live in your past,
But that's even worse.
Let me decide how bad I feel,
For my heart's not yours,
It was never yours.
Feb 3, 2010
Though the spirit is elevating,
I do look out the window
And the sight strikes me of an epidemic
The twisted face of a widow....
There lies a battlefield stained with tears,
Where men simply lie drowned in fears
And the face is upturned in grief,
Teary dewdrops like that of a morning leaf;
There is one in sorrow no one knows the source of,
One in pain no one knows the meaning of,
One in worry for the one in sorrow no one knows the source of,
One in worry for all three.
One upset over the rotten fruits of sweet labour,
One upset over the species of the fruit of no labour,
One I feel I have upset with a lecture,
One who's moodiness is only a conjecture.
Why do we drown ourselves in hurt,
When there is really nothing curt?
Why do we sleep with frowns on our heads,
When we never even toss and turn in our beds?
And such stupidity, such complication
Is a contagious disease,
For when one has shed the slightest tear
Not a single person seems to be at ease.
Only I am happy in a land of the dead,
A yellow flower in a sea of red,
For it seems to be that I am immune,
To the grief with which others are commune.
Sadness spreads like an infection
And ruins characters built to perfection
And it is only we who give in
To the temptation of hurt originated from false sin.
Jan 27, 2010
Only through experiences do we learn,
The complexity with which life can toss and churn,
How the energy of the waves runs down our face,
How in sorrow we are but a black hole in outer space-
And the pluck of this hurt,
That throws itself against our happiness,
An onslaught of anger and grief
Berating our contendedness.
Like the work of the wind,
These emotions war on our happy souls,
Dragging with it's flow: the essence of a smile,
And leaving behind only bleeding holes.
Like a disease, a virus, a breakthrough,
Sadness erodes all peace.
We can only hope for the famine to cease,
For you to embrace happiness,
Yet you're too far gone,
You tell me so with your snappiness.
Your whirpool blackens,
And walls crumble.
Your whirpool strengthens,
And hopes tumble.
Your whirpool wins,
And birds flee,
Your whirpool dies,
And we cry in glee.
Jan 18, 2010
6) The World Has Just Begun
0 comments These are the terribly insignificant musings of Aishwarya Nagar at 6:06 PM
Let it be done, let it die,
Let it all crumble to dust,
Let all meaning become a lie,
Let us only recognize if we must.
Let it die, let it die,
So no one sees the dead and gone sigh,
Let it waste, let it die,
So our world climbs high...
How could we let it waste away,
The beauty of this life?
Murder and an escapade
In one breath; so hard to defy,
To throw it all away,
I'll tell you it's a crime,
I'll tell you it's a crime.
Bringing back what's gone is pain,
We don't want to live the past again,
Strewn with such a fairytale,
Tales that make our face pale.
Let life go by so fast,
Let the winds beat a tattoo on our mast,
Just subconsciously letting fate
Have it's way....
Letting destiny do what it does,
So we aren't so much a fuss.
But we waste away, we see clovers,
Letting destiny take over.
5) Don't Cry Tears
4 comments These are the terribly insignificant musings of Aishwarya Nagar at 6:55 AM
Though I'm smiling,
When he bids me farewell,
A life without him well,
I'm crying.
Though I'm smiling,
When he ends my world,
Leaves me when I'm being whirled,
I'm crying.
Oh no you don't see my weep,
You just see my grinning face,
Telling you what you did, wasn't a waste.
You just see my smile,
Like I accept what you do,
But no one sees me cry....
Because I don't cry tears,
I don't let myself weep,
Even though I hurt myself so deep.
I don't cry, I don't cry tears,
There's just death and hope leaking from my eyes,
And I still seem so wise.
You see me smile,
You see me laugh,
You see me accept your wish like it isn't breaking my heart,
You see me jump,
You see me hug,
You see me ready to let the world fall apart,
But I'm crying, though you don't see,
I've run out of tears...
I'm crying and only I know,
Because all you see me is leaking air from my eyes.
Tears are gone,
No more song,
And all you see me do is smile.
But I cry,
Tearless I sigh,
Wondering if I'll make it through a while.
Jan 10, 2010
3) Sands of Time
0 comments These are the terribly insignificant musings of Aishwarya Nagar at 12:16 AM
Sands of Time
What if you felt time slipping through your fingers?
Watching the sand grains drift away,
What if the dismaying regret still lingers?
Laughing at your deep pain.
Though time is turning, you wish you could stop it,
Rewind it and re-live it,
You didn’t know any better at the time
And that’s why you’re begging for more, begging to rhyme.
To do things right
To right all wrongs,
Don’t lose your grasp on the sands of time,
To make the most
Of what you’ve lost,
Live every moment for its all sublime.
Letting go of opportunity
Is the harshest crime you can commit,
If you’d have that one more chance to win,
You’d be on your way to the summit.
Don’t let go of the sands of time,
‘Cause later on it’s you who’ll cry,
Never let go of the sands of time,
Don’t let go of the sands of time.
;;
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