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3 years ago
Sep 18, 2011
Bittersweet Treat
2 comments These are the terribly insignificant musings of Aishwarya Nagar at 9:21 AM
I pretend it's you--
This slowly sinking sugar cube
Drowning in the endless depth of steaming coffee,
Crying frantically for my help,
Disintegrating as it drowsily melts,
Overcome by the stormy heat.
I'll be neglecting you. Like you neglected me.
How unfair that I should be so cruel--
To something so inanimate
When the real culprit is you!
The grains of sugar have arranged themselves
To resemble your face; the signature smile
Is now a frown, because I have stabbed you with a spoon
And put a veil of foam where your eyes should be.
I stir; you're disappearing into a whirlpool of heat and bitterness
Never to emerge again. And I won't bid adieu.
You've sweetened my chasm of bitter despair,
You're the taste it needs to be deemed complete.
The Pits of Tartarus now seal themselves,
Having claimed their last bastard.
The collection is done.
Sadistic pleasure (or is it relief?)
Pulls back my lips in a teeth-baring grin,
All I need is laughter, as the remainder of you melts
And disappears. Never to be seen again.
So I drink heartily my bittersweet treat,
Swallowing down sweet memories
That have morphed into a noxious mass of gelatinous nothingness.
Time changes everything.
A friend of mine (SB) took the liberty to write a reply to this poem, by continuing the analogy, not exactly from the point of view of the persona this poem was addressing, but as an active bystander who empathized.
REPLY
Today. Just today.
I feel like that sinking sugar cube.
That slowly dissolves into the bitter coffee.
I do not call for help .just for acknowledgement.
The heavy liquid slowly pulls me down.
I never neglected you.
I just tried to add to the flavour and make,
What I call a perfect blend.
I cannot promise a rainbow,
But try to be the ray of hope.
To a monochromatic life.
I want to let you know that I am brown sugar.
Different from the rest.
My eyes do turn dark.
My smile slowly turns into a frown, not because of the pain
But because the stab is coming from you
Your oh so saturated brew was somehow incomplete.
I was just trying to fill in the gap.
And I drown.
Voluntarily.
Not wanting to fight the whirlpool.
I might never emerge again,
But my essence will always flavour the pleasantries.
Now that the deed is complete,
I succumb to the bitterness.
And let go into the Pits of Tartarus.
Being the last of the lot.
I needed the feeling of being felt.
Your grin. It’s devilish.
It tears through what’s left of me.
Your living is craziness personified.
As you sip down the coffee looking through the remnants of me,
Soon to be nothing: I somehow feel I am still there.
The memories being the last of me.
I knew.
I was no one.
After all I wasn’t the coffee bean.
Time changes everything. I wish it changes us.
May 26, 2011
I found it, what they've been searching for,
The proof of the Big Bang,
In my hands lies this discovery
And I can't wait to throw it away.
What happened?
Why couldn't I just stay in one place?
Appreciating that the world stays the same;
But of course it doesn't.
It was just our family, it was my world
And then we played some Wife Swap
It became a permanent fixation,
And the world grew as my eyes opened.
The child that was once me
Saw the gruesome face of life
And the universe expanded
With the smear of red on a bread knife
Aeroplane over the deep blue sea
It brought upon a paradigm shift
No it wasnt just us here in Milwaukee
For I learnt about The Rest Of The World.
Growing, fighting, loving
And the planets start to lean away
When once we were talking
Now we're strangers, day by day
Oh then that feeling, like loving,
With you standing so close to me
I could whisper in silence
You would hear it, as if I were screaming
With the stretch of my fingers
I can brush through your hair
But we're standing on two planets
And they're both moving away
Watching as the distance elongates,
As the asteroid belts come in place
As we reach two suns at the Universe's polar ends
It's true, the Universe expands every day.
Now you see,
The scientific proof laid out in front of you
What was once a theory
I've shown you that it is true.
The Big Bang is real, I see it everyday
We move so far away;
And I hope they're right about that Big Crunch
Because I hope to hold you again.
Sep 11, 2010
Dream A Dream Of You
0 comments These are the terribly insignificant musings of Aishwarya Nagar at 12:05 AM
That dream left me empty in the morning;
I woke up to find tears in my eyes
And lead in my heart,
And a half-choked sob at sunrise.
But it was all underscored by longing,
And that tired feeling of belonging
That has been severed helplessly
Meandering carelessly...
-----------
Elation rang through my persistent knocking
And the wood would crumple with the intensity of my hope,
And when it swung open, anticipation burst out,
I could feel its power alter my horoscope...
And then there you were, changed, present,
But I saw the pockmarks on your face
My emotion make me weak at my knees,
And then you started closing in the space-
I saw disease on your face, contagious and hungry,
Afraid that unity meant a disadvantage to me,
I stepped backwards and saw your face fall
But that face was devoid of your old expression, you see.
Reproach was there. But I saw discomfort,
Just like you must've seen the art attack in me,
I was afraid to move closer in case I caught your disease,
The longing in me was begging to be set free
Time must've passed as I absorbed you, you!
How much a heartache could make me love you more,
Afraid to speak, inside, I spoke too much,
In mind, my throat was already too sore.
Pieces were dislodging from my calm resolve,
Emotions started to blur my vision,
Here, you have changed so, so much
Since our unwilling, forced, heartbreaking division.
I would have hugged you if it wasn't for
The pustules of illness decorating your face,
I would have sang to you the song in my heart,
If I hadn't left my words back by the staircase.
When the words counted,
They came out like faint whispers,
Inadequate for all I must've felt.
A wedding cake is far too big for just one to consume,
So they give you just a single slice and then the celebrations resume,
Likewise, I gave you just a slice of words,
Because the cake of speech of too much to fume.
Tentative words, but a paragraph of questions
Were hanging ludicrously in the air,
And your tone of voice of such a poise,
Cascaded down your straight, dark hair.
We met like strangers, talked like strangers,
And little by little, my resolve gave way
I told you nothing that would be too dense
For your compehension, so strange today.
And the pauses,
So loud.
They spoke too much.
-------------------------------
Am I afraid of the change in you?
Am I afraid of our increasing divide?
Am I afraid of the breach of commnication?
Am I afraid of you choosing the other side?
Or am I just afriad of you?
These same tears were threatening to spill over
This morning when I awoke from the dream,
When I saw you uncomfortable, backing away,
Much to my terror, as it did make me scream,
Slowly turning to run away, up the stairs,
Paling into transparent mist,
With a young heart slowly shattering behind you,
Distended by a growing cyst,
And then the awakening, the realization,
That it was just a dream, so out of the blue!
But rolling over, the dangerous thought-
What if you and I, in the dream, were true?
Feb 15, 2010
25) A Happy Valentine
0 comments These are the terribly insignificant musings of Aishwarya Nagar at 5:19 AM
There I was with my mind in the roses
Swimming on the beach with you, modelled in poses,
Dreaming of your touch, your carress, your hug,
How every look in your eyes'd bite me like a lovebug,
Hoping that that day'd be the best one ever,
Hoping that I'd never look back, no, never;
And I lost my head with message you sent,
You tore me like a half-teak paper, no promises meant,
I was left stand on Valentine's Day
With my once love-filled face blushing away.
Oh you hurt me, boy you pierced my heart
Now I don't know from where to start,
Tell me how will I pick up my life again
So I can spare myself some good old pain?
I didn't expect you to be so harsh
Treating me like an animal born right from the marsh-
Your words speared my senses and I coudn't cry,
I couldn't let out all the pain even though I did try-
Is this what you do every February 14?
Do you break a girl's heart even before you've seen
How much she loves you more every passing day?
Did you too never feel that way?
Do you know how much you don't deserve me
If in me this is what you see?
If you don't see me for the goddess I am then I'll be fine
Without you in my life, walking on my line,
You're not worth this this pain, this broken heart of mine,
Now that I'm not with you, consider me a happy valentine.
Feb 11, 2010
22) I Apologize
1 comments These are the terribly insignificant musings of Aishwarya Nagar at 5:19 AM
There's nothing more I can say
That that I apologize to you,
For the times I just stayed away
And didn't make an effort for you.
I let it all go too far; I realize it now,
I apologize if you're hurt,
I know you, and I must have been curt.
The truth is that I look away
Whenever you show that you're sad,
Because I feel that it's all because of me,
But all along, I was too dim to see.
I feel like the Demetrius to Helena
Ignoring your desperation with a blind eye,
But believe me, this is not for me,
And I'm still not ready to say Goodbye.
I don't know what I'm to speak,
Your seriousness has left me weak,
While I assume it all to be a game,
You would have never felt the same.
You're older and better. You need somebody.
But I don't - besides me, I need nobody,
And I told you I never believed in love like a child,
That fact is easy to decipher in my thought-lost mind.
The air around us is too serious for my comfort,
Where I told you I wanted nothing firm,
But you've taken me too far, the final par,
In your intensity I'm left to do nothing but squirm.
Feb 10, 2010
20) Feels Like a Girl
0 comments These are the terribly insignificant musings of Aishwarya Nagar at 8:16 AM
Persistently I may be telling you
That it cannot be, just go away,
When in my mind I love it,
I love how you flirt with me and what you say
Because it make me feel,
It make me reel,
It makes me smile like a girl;
It makes me blush,
And though our conversations are a hush,
I feel like such a girl.
The world doesn't approve of what you write
But to me, those words are the most promiscuous in sight,
For they're different to the words I hear
In my everyday passing - so dull and drear.
But your words light up my mind
That's been, for the day, the dormant kind,
And I look away just to smile-
Nobody has made me feel so feminine in a while.
I look away just to smile, oh boy,
Hoping you don't sense my joy.
Jan 29, 2010
10) But I Do, But I Do
1 comments These are the terribly insignificant musings of Aishwarya Nagar at 9:16 AM
Just because I'm besotted
Doesn't mean I'm in love with you,
Just 'cause I miss you every day
Doesn't mean I'd spend my life with you.
Just because you're my wonderworld
Doesn't mean I'm the one for you,
I say I don't love you,
But I do, but I do.
How do you explain such a crazy feeling,
This tingling of wonder and spice?
Raining down from my wonderous ceiling,
But oh, it feels so nice.
Though I say that I don't need you,
The truth is that I do, oh I do,
I may say that it's crazy to love you
But I do, but I do,
But I do,
Oh I still love you.
Though I'm besotted I'm not in love,
I'm just head over heels for you, for you, for you, for you,
I know I hide it so much,
And deny it as such,
But I do, But I do.
I do love you.
Jan 4, 2010
Restraint.
Every night she’d wake and wait
To see him talk to her again
She’d chase away sleep for him, her saint,
And he responded like the cream of men.
He loved her, a rare emotion to feelFor love then was nothing more than sex appeal,
And she loved him until the point she’d reel,
Curling her toes in lust so unreal.
She kept his company every night
Waiting for him to reply
And they talked and talked and hid like spies
To her growing lust he’s willingly comply.
And she gave her his heart, it was all his,
And he took care of it like no one could,
At nights when they couldn’t talk
The world would fall down, it would.
The day he left her for 10 days
For a family holiday to the forests and seas,
Her smile stuck and her eyes faltered,
She was pained to see him so on lease.
She knew he’d be back before the New Year,
Talking to her in her faraway ear,
But she knew there’d be no one on the phone.
For 10 days, she was dancing alone.
Dec 21, 2009
Poem # 21 Tunes of Lust
0 comments These are the terribly insignificant musings of Aishwarya Nagar at 10:47 PMTunes of Lust
You’re like a pop song stuck in my head
You keep playing all over and over again,
You’re all music, you’re all words,
You’re all I’ll-catch-you-a-million-birds.
But I can’t get you out of my head,
You keep singing the same tune and I said
That the volume was to stay low
But you turned it up and now my mind you blow,
I’m enraptured by your easiness
Your smirks and smiles, your sleaziness,
And baby, if there’s one thing you don’t do to meIt’s to bore me, baby….
Because you’ve turned me around, upside down,
From a bitch to girl who’s got no frowns
I’d compare you to a beautiful love song
You're the melody of a love song.
Dec 20, 2009
Poem # 11 Imaginary Skin
0 comments These are the terribly insignificant musings of Aishwarya Nagar at 11:51 PMImaginary Skin
What would I do to reverse the ebb of time?
To rewind these waves that hide secrecy and crime,
To go back to the political epoch I met you at,
It was behind your tuxedo-clad self that I sat,Scared and nervous, I sought your help,
You saw through the frizzy hair and the eyes of kelp-
And I swear, for a moment, I felt you touch my heart.
Maybe I never realized it, but I remember how it gave a start
At the intensity of your fiercely proud, humanitarian gaze,
All my protective defences you succeeded to raze.
How queer is it that now I am in love,
You are everything I see in God, Earth and Dove,
You are the human I wish all men could be,
The epitome of wonder I wish was a sight to see.
It’s tiring for me to just imagine you now,
Because this distance just forces us apart, and I know not how
I can dream of caressing that skin I glimpse
In my softest daydreams of how my soul for you limps-
Limps up the pedestal, running to you,
Young I may be, but the strangeness I feel is so true.
Content I am now seeing the words you send me,
The brightest part of my day is how your e-mails set me free,
But I’m sombre – I’d do just about anything to grin;
Just to get a chance to bring to life your imaginary skin.
Pom # 4 Missing You
0 comments These are the terribly insignificant musings of Aishwarya Nagar at 10:32 PM
Missing You
Moments where I can't glue
These broken shards of belief,
I tend to cry and scream
It robs me of my dreams.
But every night when I talk to you
I hang on to the phone like a lifeline
I sigh, everytime in relief.Because I figure you're okay
Even though you've left me in the fray
And I can't put the words together
To how much I love you
And to how much I miss you.
;;
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