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3 years ago
Sep 16, 2011
To my mind,
I feel as if lately,
We haven't been in touch.
My heart whispers enticing words to me.
Words that I secretly want to hear,
But of course, you would know that.
Seductive whispers. You would oppose.
You would warn me against the temptation of succumbing to it.
But I have fallen into its alluring chasm,
And am unwilling to climb out. You must save me.
Mind,
I am overcome with emotions
That, like rivers nourished by the recent monsoons
Gush through my blood, saturated with love,
And with hate and with fear and with presumptuous pomposity.
Each emotion is the string of a marionette;
I pulls me in one direction, and then tugs me to the next.
Crooning with love. Simmering with anger. Drowning in hate.
You, who like a referee
Was supposed to monitor this change in entropy,
Have suddenly fled. The maps are blank and my GPS fails.
I searched in the bushes, under the bed, behind the curtains for you
Before these emotions could win their tug of war
And drag me to a corner to harass me senselessly.
If you don't return,
I will surely run mad. Maddened by the love I feel
When I imagine those wholesome faces,
Maddened by the stabbing needles of sorrow
That I wish could be a Chinese masseur skilled with acupuncture.
And crazed by the anger
That calls upon my blood to boil as if my organs were cooking.
Mind,
I need you to return.
I need you to scold my senseless heart with your logic,
And to preserve my identity before I lose it
To the separate entity that is attempting to beat itself out of my chest.
May 24, 2010
8) Wasting Time..
0 comments These are the terribly insignificant musings of Aishwarya Nagar at 6:09 AM
To dream a dream so near
And yet so delusional,
To move towards it year by year
And feel it an illusion, oh;
Towards the crown you want to run,
But in your eye shines the light of the sun-
The moment's in your grasp
But the feeling's gone, the feeling's gone
The year and years you spent
Have faded away like a song.
And though you know so well
That the opportunity's in your hand
Your mind isn't quite there
And you let it fly away like sand.
It's too late to return
And clock back to when you had the time
Like life grows on charred remains
Oh hope, you lost what was sublime
And now you must realize
That this was the moment for which you've been waiting
I mustn't let it turn to regret in the future
And I know that you'll be hating
When I bid you farewell
When I bid you farewell
It's only or a while
But I still need to run a mile.
Mar 27, 2010
30) No Smiles for A While
0 comments These are the terribly insignificant musings of Aishwarya Nagar at 8:31 PM
I'm defined solely by my wide smiles,
But I haven't been happy for miles and miles,
Driving down this road is tiring me,
Don't want to keep up the smiling scene.
I don't know if it's her who's not gonna be here
Tomorrow to hold my hand as I cry,
Or him who's gonna be wreathed in hurt
Asking himself "why, why, why"?
Or is it you? Who's simple words make me shy,
The melody I hear kissing your round lips,
The beauty you frame through letters
Gives a woman definite eyes and shapely hips.
Or is it just me? I've been staring at too many things at one time,
And the motion just pierces my eyes, I'm sick of seeing lies,
Visions burst, cloud my sight, thoughts cloud my mind,
I embrace relaxation, and though I deserve none, the bond I bind.
Too much in this world of mine,
I can't reply that I'm just fine,
There' is too much happening in too little time,
Confusion truly seems like a crime.
Feb 15, 2010
25) A Happy Valentine
0 comments These are the terribly insignificant musings of Aishwarya Nagar at 5:19 AM
There I was with my mind in the roses
Swimming on the beach with you, modelled in poses,
Dreaming of your touch, your carress, your hug,
How every look in your eyes'd bite me like a lovebug,
Hoping that that day'd be the best one ever,
Hoping that I'd never look back, no, never;
And I lost my head with message you sent,
You tore me like a half-teak paper, no promises meant,
I was left stand on Valentine's Day
With my once love-filled face blushing away.
Oh you hurt me, boy you pierced my heart
Now I don't know from where to start,
Tell me how will I pick up my life again
So I can spare myself some good old pain?
I didn't expect you to be so harsh
Treating me like an animal born right from the marsh-
Your words speared my senses and I coudn't cry,
I couldn't let out all the pain even though I did try-
Is this what you do every February 14?
Do you break a girl's heart even before you've seen
How much she loves you more every passing day?
Did you too never feel that way?
Do you know how much you don't deserve me
If in me this is what you see?
If you don't see me for the goddess I am then I'll be fine
Without you in my life, walking on my line,
You're not worth this this pain, this broken heart of mine,
Now that I'm not with you, consider me a happy valentine.
Feb 11, 2010
22) I Apologize
1 comments These are the terribly insignificant musings of Aishwarya Nagar at 5:19 AM
There's nothing more I can say
That that I apologize to you,
For the times I just stayed away
And didn't make an effort for you.
I let it all go too far; I realize it now,
I apologize if you're hurt,
I know you, and I must have been curt.
The truth is that I look away
Whenever you show that you're sad,
Because I feel that it's all because of me,
But all along, I was too dim to see.
I feel like the Demetrius to Helena
Ignoring your desperation with a blind eye,
But believe me, this is not for me,
And I'm still not ready to say Goodbye.
I don't know what I'm to speak,
Your seriousness has left me weak,
While I assume it all to be a game,
You would have never felt the same.
You're older and better. You need somebody.
But I don't - besides me, I need nobody,
And I told you I never believed in love like a child,
That fact is easy to decipher in my thought-lost mind.
The air around us is too serious for my comfort,
Where I told you I wanted nothing firm,
But you've taken me too far, the final par,
In your intensity I'm left to do nothing but squirm.
Feb 8, 2010
18) So Many Hearts Breaking
0 comments These are the terribly insignificant musings of Aishwarya Nagar at 3:52 PM
The air is tinted with the smell of blood
The tinge of metal and the colour of mud,
The sharp taste of horrors and fears,
A whiff of strong sorrow and tears,
Collectively, these smells join cause
To unite against the ones who pause
While deciding whether to break hearts or not,
Or simply leave the love to mould and rot.
So many hearts breaking,
So much indecision,
So many lips shaking,
Stopping sobs with precision,
Broken heart upon another,
Tolling hurt will joy smother,
But cruel criminals never learn,
Leaving more hearts to burn.
Feb 7, 2010
16) Marionettes
0 comments These are the terribly insignificant musings of Aishwarya Nagar at 8:45 PM
Everything I said,
Every view I gave on the world-
That you should never give up,
That the world will turn around
And at some point be
What you want it to be,
Is a lie. It's a world I'd live in
If I wasn't surrounded by sin
If I could decide what my life would be,
If people never stuck to destiny.
The day I was born there was a vow in my blood,
To raise me up as some kind of perfect girl
With the perfect face, perfect mind,
With the most perfect personality one could find.
That day was the day I could never love
Somebody I wanted to when I grew up
'Cause I was raised to wed the perfect guy
With the perfect face, perfect mind.
The world feels like the puppeteer,
And I the hopeless marionette,
The twitch of a string
I'd take command in my wing
Like my future's already set.
Cut the strings, and my soul sings,
The song of freedom everyday
To have you mistaken loons understand
Me isn't possible in any way.
I feel so manipulated, so controlled
Like my future's already set in stone
Where I thought cool water flowed with peace,
There are icy stones and cumbersome debris.
You say that being what this Age allows me to be
Is a terrible curse
And I should live in your past,
But that's even worse.
Let me decide how bad I feel,
For my heart's not yours,
It was never yours.
Feb 5, 2010
No I don't believe in a God
Because I don't want rules to life
Like the morning sun isn't blue
Like a newborn calf doesn't moo
But I'd love to believe
In a God if he set you free
If he doused you in cold water
And forced you to See.
So doesn't it hurt?
Doesn't the pain accumulate-
And run through your blood like cold fire-
Doesn't it kill all your desire,
Didn't He make you see
All the thoughts that plagued me?
For I believe you. I believe you know Him.
For I believe you, even though I don't believe in Him.
And the rush you've made me feel,
All my sorrow just seemed to heal-
And all the hurt that ever lay,
Seems to have been washed all away.
There's just one emotion I taste
One which I feel in much haste
Oh I'm blissful more than I've been before
And you've heard Him; I need no more.
I see a new face behind the same eyes,
I see you pure in your soul,
I see you immune to all the world's lies,
I see no more a gaping hole.
You've been compeleted,
A feat I wanted to help you achieve
But you've done this all by your own,
Your seeds only you have sown.
But I'm happy, oh, I'm happy
More than I've ever been before
This rush I can't pen in words
The ecstacy makes my sorrow sore.
I'm happy,
And you're happy.
And to me that's all I need,
And to me that's damn good a deed.
Feb 4, 2010
14) Understanding You Part 2
0 comments These are the terribly insignificant musings of Aishwarya Nagar at 3:38 PM
I don't understand what I do wrong,
But help you when you need me to do so,
I help you to keep yourself standing tall
And yet you keep saying that I don't know.
Maybe I don't know,
Maybe you're right to say so,
But maybe I was right all along,
And you were so woefully wrong.
Maybe I care you're getting hurt,
Maybe I care you're getting me hurt,
Maybe I truly undestand, I do,
Maybe I want you to be you.
Because I can feel the spite in you veins
As you succumb to the rush of your pains
And maybe I don't want you to an illusion.
Maybe I want just.
If you want my help tell me so,
If you don't then I can take a "no",
But please don't continue to hurt me.
Don't tell me I tell you how to live,
Don't scorn the suggestions I do give,
Just say it to my face whether you want me
Or don't.
;;
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