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3 years ago
Sep 5, 2011
It's autumn all over again,
And as the orange leaves fall
As the wind tousles my hair
As it whips the buildings tall----
I find the change in who we are
The dying friendships I tried so hard
To keep alive with this
Constant burning of lard
To keep this fire burning,
To dissipate the air of mourning;
But it shrivels before my eyes,
The love that kept us both alive
And as it fades
Into a dark distance, into a hive;
These mistakes we made keep repeating again,
The times we changed keep playing over again
And the heartbreak hits the same way every time.
Though you tell yourself you'll be strong,
And it's painfully loud that something is wrong,
I guess people never change. Not even with time.
Mistakes,
They repeat over again.
Never cease until the end.
And the end's just so far away.
Apr 27, 2011
Leaves aren't leaves
If not propped up by branches
And when those branches fall apart,
They come flying to the ground
Trailing in circles,
Drifting with the wind
Always looking, looking, looking...
Like I look.
I look for that happiness
I used to see on your faces
Whenever I'd smile to make you smile.
I look for that relief that was evident
When I'd be with you for a while
When we'd make memories out of nothing;
But the branches have all fallen apart
I'm just drifting in air,
Being carried somewhere, oh I don't know where-
Just drifting, looking,
To see if anyone still cares as strongly as they did.
Maybe I'm just like bread
That depreciates with age
No one cares about it
Past its expiration date.
What if my best-until date
Has gone by
What if the branches have snapped
What if I'm broken and zapped
Just floating in the air
That whips aroudn your hair.
Do they treasure me
Like I treasure them?
No,
I don't seem to know.
Feb 7, 2011
With fascinating you watch as
The slime slips from a child's finger
The joy it brings him on his quest
To hold a toy that would never linger;
His meek attempts to hold on to it
Remind you of your heart's efforts
To forget the love of a friend you cherish
Who walked away with a silence to ascert.
Oh, you recognize that hollow pain
That fills up the cavity in your chest,
And you seem to know the darkness that
Has set up in your head a comfortable nest-
Aware of all that leaves you
With every passing second of the day
Failing attempts at smiling and positivity
Be it as it may.
It's like a chasm of water
And you're sucked under the surface
The water overwhelms your lungs
And you feel yourself slowing that pace,
That easy breathing smothers,
And that happiness you felt is gone
For the ones you could once count on
Have left you to walk alone, on and on.
Jan 2, 2011
No title. Tried to make one, but failed.
0 comments These are the terribly insignificant musings of Aishwarya Nagar at 9:59 AM
You didn't have to choose
But you did,
You didn't have to pick,
But you did.
And in conclusion,
You broke someone's heart.
Young hearts can mend easily,
But from a mind, betrayal can never depart.
---------
Big words are so often used-
An 'I love you' tossed here,
A 'you are my life' thrown in there,
Empty words to prevent despair.
Empty words. Empty promises.
A hurtful wastage of an innocent heart,
Made worse by incalculable indifference
A drop of bitter citrus on the tongue: shuddering, tart.
Because we all want somebody to love
And when you have just a singular 'somebody'
It means quite a lot,
But not when to them, you are just 'anybody'.
Betrayal stings like the stab of a knife,
The wound of which is sprinkled with lemon and salt,
It discolours happy relationships,
It lets crumble a stable house into an earthquake fault.
Watching the sturdy brick house of mine
Fall apart
Just because your words deluded me into thinking
I meant to you what you meant to me; but oh, what a kickstart-
Realized just now that the place that meant home
Has thrown me out of its walls.
Realized that the words I thought meant something,
Meant nothing at all.
Dec 7, 2010
When Those We Love Walk Away
0 comments These are the terribly insignificant musings of Aishwarya Nagar at 7:39 AM
Quite amusing how the heart changes
To encompass your change in mood
Because for a moment, I felt lost and all alone,
And then you were there with your jokes, so lewd;
I've realized lately
That's what you had is not always what you've got.
I remember there used to be a time
Where I used to leave my dark feeling rot;
But now it's back, that sense of loneliness,
Like I don't belong here anymore
If I could turn back the clock to my welcome past
It would heal this burning, cold sore.
Though you are the only one who can put a smile to my face,
You seem to have wandered away from me,
I gave you the code to my heart to put me at ease
You've just walked away, without the key.
When I'm with you, the world wants me
And when I'm away, or you don't care, I'm all alone
Something in me has changed for the worse
It's been a while since I've been glad to go back home.
Why do saviours never realize their worth?
Why does their lack rob from you your gleeful mirth?
Why are they so loudly blind?
And why do they toy with your love,
Your heart that they slowly unwind?
Dec 6, 2010
For I feel hollow in my mind and my heart,
You know, when you give someone your trust,
And you believe that, though it's not very smart,
It's a friendship devoid of any intentions or lust-
And then he wanders away,
(Away from the land you call your home)
Through the forest that leads to another land as gay,
And oh, you've been left all alone.
It's because you lost somebody
You thought made you feel complete,
The worst is yourself knowing
That the process of it was so discrete,
And you are alone with a mind and heart so empty,
And you are plagued by a vacuous space, wider than any sea,
I fill it with my imagination,
But it only hurts me inside,
I imagine life without you,
In who do I confide?
I imagine with my rampant thoughts
A world that would bring me tears,
Would steal my heart and break it thrice over,
Confirmation of my worst fears.
Who do I trust when I am down?
Who do I hug when I do frown?
Who do I look upon to love me,
Love me unconditionally?
Nov 27, 2010
She was alone, cold to the bone,
Empty and pretending to be busy
To avoid pity from the girls of the city
Who saw her tucked in the corner
Because she felt empty, almost hollow,
With a strange kind of sorrow
And though she tried to rationalize
Her actions, explanations felt like lies.
So he went to her, with his unawares,
And he lit up her night,
He offered her his jacket
Because she was shivering in fright
Of who she was changing into,
Of who she was turning into.
And with his soothing conversation
With his warmth by her side,
They talked through the play and the fireworks,
And he her troubles set aside.
It proved to her that sometimes
All you need is sympathy,
Or just a change of subject to distract
You from the pain of empathy.
Feb 28, 2010
Whoever you've been with me
Has been such an illusion
If this is who you really are then
Sorrow and Hell have undergone a fusion;
This is not who you are,
And yet how did I get so far
If I still believe I have you?
Why did you change like this,
What sign did I ever miss,
To have you walk away like you do?
I remember when it was just us two hangin'
Invitations on my door were bangin'
But now I feel like I'm stranglin'
Your indifference my neck is wranglin'
It makes no sense to me, not at all,
Why is it that when you break away I fall?
I thought you were my one forever and all,
I thought I knew knew ya, but not at all.
Plain and simple: you let me tumble,
When I thought you were my best friend,
And in the end, I heard a godsend,
I don't know you though you're my best friend.
People asking me what's wrong with you
Why you and I aren't walking anymore
And I just don't know.
Though I am your best friend and you mine,
I just don't know.
One day you have me hugging you
And the next you leave me alone, it's true,
Tell me why do you behave like you do?
Behave like the sky is yellow when it's blue.
You say you try to keep me close to yourself
But everytime you just kick me off your bookshelf
And at the end of the day, I walk home; it's been just confusion
Living with you and your warm illusion.
Feb 3, 2010
Though the spirit is elevating,
I do look out the window
And the sight strikes me of an epidemic
The twisted face of a widow....
There lies a battlefield stained with tears,
Where men simply lie drowned in fears
And the face is upturned in grief,
Teary dewdrops like that of a morning leaf;
There is one in sorrow no one knows the source of,
One in pain no one knows the meaning of,
One in worry for the one in sorrow no one knows the source of,
One in worry for all three.
One upset over the rotten fruits of sweet labour,
One upset over the species of the fruit of no labour,
One I feel I have upset with a lecture,
One who's moodiness is only a conjecture.
Why do we drown ourselves in hurt,
When there is really nothing curt?
Why do we sleep with frowns on our heads,
When we never even toss and turn in our beds?
And such stupidity, such complication
Is a contagious disease,
For when one has shed the slightest tear
Not a single person seems to be at ease.
Only I am happy in a land of the dead,
A yellow flower in a sea of red,
For it seems to be that I am immune,
To the grief with which others are commune.
Sadness spreads like an infection
And ruins characters built to perfection
And it is only we who give in
To the temptation of hurt originated from false sin.
Jan 27, 2010
Only through experiences do we learn,
The complexity with which life can toss and churn,
How the energy of the waves runs down our face,
How in sorrow we are but a black hole in outer space-
And the pluck of this hurt,
That throws itself against our happiness,
An onslaught of anger and grief
Berating our contendedness.
Like the work of the wind,
These emotions war on our happy souls,
Dragging with it's flow: the essence of a smile,
And leaving behind only bleeding holes.
Like a disease, a virus, a breakthrough,
Sadness erodes all peace.
We can only hope for the famine to cease,
For you to embrace happiness,
Yet you're too far gone,
You tell me so with your snappiness.
Your whirpool blackens,
And walls crumble.
Your whirpool strengthens,
And hopes tumble.
Your whirpool wins,
And birds flee,
Your whirpool dies,
And we cry in glee.
Jan 18, 2010
5) Don't Cry Tears
4 comments These are the terribly insignificant musings of Aishwarya Nagar at 6:55 AM
Though I'm smiling,
When he bids me farewell,
A life without him well,
I'm crying.
Though I'm smiling,
When he ends my world,
Leaves me when I'm being whirled,
I'm crying.
Oh no you don't see my weep,
You just see my grinning face,
Telling you what you did, wasn't a waste.
You just see my smile,
Like I accept what you do,
But no one sees me cry....
Because I don't cry tears,
I don't let myself weep,
Even though I hurt myself so deep.
I don't cry, I don't cry tears,
There's just death and hope leaking from my eyes,
And I still seem so wise.
You see me smile,
You see me laugh,
You see me accept your wish like it isn't breaking my heart,
You see me jump,
You see me hug,
You see me ready to let the world fall apart,
But I'm crying, though you don't see,
I've run out of tears...
I'm crying and only I know,
Because all you see me is leaking air from my eyes.
Tears are gone,
No more song,
And all you see me do is smile.
But I cry,
Tearless I sigh,
Wondering if I'll make it through a while.
Jan 16, 2010
Ever needed to escape time?
Ever needed to walk the lifeline?
The end is on your mind,
Loneliness is all you can find.
Ever needed to wait things out?
Ever needed to slowly die out?
Guess all the stories are true,
When in mind, there's nothing more to do
But to break out and fly over the edge
Leap down the Holy Ledge
Fly and fly and fly,
Fly like there's no tomorrow.
But to dream of all those dreams stuck in the hedge,
To dream a lonely dream, the only pledge
To fly and fly and fly
Fly like there's no tomorrow,
Time will work things out.
Time will carry us through this endless game.
Time will help us, it will help us,
Or so I hope that it's not too late.
I need escape, I need to breathe,
I need to fly over the seas.
I need to escape, I need to breathe,
Counter this friction, covered in grease,
Just embracing escapism,
The need to leave the world behind and move on,
Just embracing escapism.
Dec 22, 2009
Poem # 22 If I'd Scream Loud Enough
0 comments These are the terribly insignificant musings of Aishwarya Nagar at 5:33 PM
A poem I wrote reflecting Leslie's feelings in Ink Exchange, Book 2 of Wicked Lovely by Melissa Marr. She is directing this to Irial in her heart,
If I’d Scream Loud Enough
The wind may blow in the other direction,
It may yell into our ears—
But nothing will stop me from screaming
Even if you don’t hear.
Even the tallest mountain discourages my act,
What, have you now taken sides?
The rivers swim away from my simple touch,
Is it in darkness your heart resides?
I remember when I was longing for your touch,
Your promiscuous fingers called my name,Your inhumanity to me was nothing much,
Just an inconvenience in the game.
But I didn’t know you’d use me,
You were telling me you’d free me from my pain,
You freed me of hurt, pain, fear and too glee,
And all those beautiful emotions that had kept me sane.
I’d escape from you, oh yes I would,
Even though in your otherworldly love I live,
I’d wrench the door open and run away
Unbinding myself from the gifts you give.
I treasure my humanity, sanity more than I do you,
To free me, you can’t even leave me, can you?
To give me happiness, you can’t even let me go?
Though I’ve told you that this life hurts me so much more,
Why do you try to kill me so slow?
There’s people out there waiting for me to run,
There’re lovers and friends who’d never hurt me in a huff,
I know I can resist your passion and leave
If I’d scream loud enough.
Dec 21, 2009
Poem # 20 Go, Be Happy
0 comments These are the terribly insignificant musings of Aishwarya Nagar at 8:58 PMGo, Be Happy.
Step up, now, to the looming noose and
Slip your neck through the ropes held loose
And laugh amusedly at the staring crowd
‘Cause death’s only a second away.
Tap your feat in funereal rhythm
Gyrate you hips at the looks you see them
Wearing as you dance along
To your amusedly sad interment song.
Has there been a beauty like youWho feels freedom at the gates of the blue?
With a soaring heart on the stall of the end
Hold, death is only a second away.
Smirk widely and spread your arms
For you’re gonna fly like you’ve dreamt all along
And up to God and away from your cage you’ll rise
Death’s only a hang away.
Go fly away from human demons
Soar above and away as you see themHorror struck at your decision of nonexistence
They just haven’t seen your life so far.
Poem # 19 Erased
0 comments These are the terribly insignificant musings of Aishwarya Nagar at 8:46 PMErased
What would it be like for the grass of forests?
Only I would know for I’ve once been eroded.
Only I could tell because I’m raw to the emotion.
Only I could say that it’s poisonous as potion.
What would it be like for a sprinkling hose?
Only I would know for I’ve disappeared,
Saturated into the air through which the sun seared,
Droplets slowly evaporating like they feared.
I compare myself the most, right now,
To the light grey lines of charcoal or pencil,
Obliterated so easily by blocks of rubber,
No trace remains of my substance or stencil.
I don’t want to be erased for I’m made to be viewed by Man.
I don’t want to disappear for I’ve made my present a good Plan.
I don’t want to be forgotten because I want to be loved,
And if I were to vanish, I’d rather be -down a cliff- shoved.
I need an identity because I am a part
Of those good old traditions which because of me, start.
I want a fixed factor because I’ve worked so hard
To not be a stranger in a world of difference and lard.
So keep your word, why don’t you understand?
To be accepted truly I need your damn hand!
You promised that I’d live on until the end,
But now I’m crying for a miraculous Godsend!
Because you can’t save me,
Because you can’t be right,
Because you can’t be true,
Because your promises aren’t bright,
I’m withering away into the sickening night,
With not a drop of humanity in me to help me fight.
Poem # 18 I, Your Heart
0 comments These are the terribly insignificant musings of Aishwarya Nagar at 8:39 PMI, Your Heart ♥
You find solace in the sound of my beating;
My calming rhythm, my adaptation to your heating;
I keep you walking the tightrope of Life
I’m the reason you can bleed if you’ve been hurt in strife.
I’m why you fall in love, why you hurt, why you grin
I’m why you want more, why you cry, why you sing a hymn,
I’m the root of your existence,
And you overlook me with no resistance,
Though I know to me you’re oblivious
It’s nice to see that my effect is obvious.
But lately I’ve been thinking about how much I mean to you.
I mean, you hurt me a lot and leave me in rue.
And yet I continue to slog and pump your blood,
I continue to hold the burden of you life and your mud,
But I get the brunt of your work, not you,Whose life are you trying to screw?
You break me with every guy,
You break me when you kill a fly.
I give you blood. I give you love.
I give you sensation and emotion and all else above.
I fashion your mobility, your choice, your sake,
And yet all you give me is painful heartbreak.
Poem # 17 Such Sweet Release
0 comments These are the terribly insignificant musings of Aishwarya Nagar at 8:34 PMDedicated to my friend, Toria Mason, in her times of sadness ♥
Such Sweet Release
She wants to move
But the world is both cruel and lithe.
Her heart is broken
Her eyes are wet
She wakes at night in tears and sweat.Her destiny is fogged
By her own desire to die
While the passive onlookers simply spy.
Her pain is trapped
Her life is mapped
And her sad, bleeding lips are chapped.
The world is immune
To her vast misery
Refuge – solace – nothing in treasury.
So she let’s the tears run down her face
She let’s her body bleed with her pain
She wanders without happiness or soul
In her chest, there is a sucking black hole.
Until the day she wrote,
She was walking death,
Like a personification of Sarabeth.
But the words that came-
They sang beauty
And it was her turn to break hearts, dead and sooty.
Her pain, so piercing and intense,
In the form of words speak
It leaves us with shaking knees weak.
She’s found a way
To voice her death
To find the sweetness of her breath
She’s alive again
Watching flowers and bees,
Awake because she has found such sweet release.
Poem # 16 Melodies Like Ribbon Fly
0 comments These are the terribly insignificant musings of Aishwarya Nagar at 5:45 AMMelodies Like Ribbon Fly
I falter at the sound of that sweet music,
Such melody eluding the lies of life;
Like pure, auditory, saccharine magnificence!
Sad beauty singing the woes of a wife;
I turn up the dial and whimper in earnest
The slow, earnest flow of the song is like white-
An expanse of so much, so hidden…
And her sorrow is the dark shadow in sight.I bow my head as I hear her sing,
The song isn’t music; it’s the tune of her heart
Stuck on heartbreak and jammed on that floor,
She sings the song like she can do no more.
Her melodies like ribbon fly,
Travelling with the current of the gale
Fuelled by the ferocity of her hope
That her love listens and to leave her he’ll fail.
Broken, listeners like me bordering the earth
Send our hopes to accompany hers,
As her lonesome ribbon of melody flies
Yearning to relight heartbroken embers.
Dec 20, 2009
Poem # 5 The Sociopath, The Anti-Discovery
0 comments These are the terribly insignificant musings of Aishwarya Nagar at 10:39 PMThe Sociopath, The Anti-Discovery
ConfusedHoping to hug knees tight
And cry in earnest into the night
Though young and vulnerable
Need to discover world
Before the events are overwhelming-
Discovery is natural
Discovering something new everydayBut the more unveiled
The farther the ship has sailed-
Emotions in the form of tears speak
Speak like words never could
Because the frustration is bottled-
It never runs amok; it only bubbles stronger
No, it is the need to know
Need to grasp every opportunityAnd when discovery pays a visit-
An opportunity never once known-
Others, lucky souls, revel in its bloom-
And all is fitting in.
All is fitting in,
But You.
;;
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